How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying to rape you? Rub it.
Joke of the day
Why can't orphans learn about Ancient Egypt? Because they won't know what a mummy is.
So 6 is scared of 7 because 7, 8, 9, but why did 10 have PTSD?
He was stuck in the middle of 9/11.
What kind of pizza do Asians get?
Prain.
What’s the difference between an Indian and an Arab?
One's responsible for 7/11, the other's responsible for 9/11.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.
Why do orphans like getting kidnapped? Because someone actually wants them. 🤣
Why do Black people go to church so much?
Because the priest is the only father they know.
How many Indians does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and wait for the British to come and do it.
This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.
Why is it called scissoring and not lip-syncing?
What’s the most positive thing in Africa?
Their HIV test.
What do you call a Black person going down a waterslide? Sewage.
Got my girlfriend a "get better soon" card. She's not sick, I just think she can do better.
If number 666 is evil, then 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil.
What is the difference between my dad’s generation and my generation of women?
He had Wonder Woman, and I have to wonder if it’s a woman.
Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.
But he nailed that mountain.
What’s the opposite of an exorcism?
It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
If Asians are bad at driving, then was Pearl Harbor an accident?
What do you call a series of ascending steps with eyes that follow you intently?
A starecase.
I asked my girlfriend if we could try my rape fantasy last night. She said no. It was the best night of my life.
How did Hitler like his portobello mushrooms?
Jewcy.
What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?
I don't know.
Neither do I, but it runs in the family.
Why do pedos like to lose races? Because they like to cum on a little behind.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
1+1=3
If you don't use a condom.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
I asked what LGBTQ stands for, and I couldn’t get a straight answer.
I think I banged a Chinese celebrity...
She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung” like I was supposed to know the name.
My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
What do you call an orphan being kidnapped?
A surprise adoption!!
Why did the clown fall off his bike?
Because the neighbor threw a washing machine at him.
What's the best part about plowing your cousin?
- It makes your sister jealous.
Rock, paper, lesbians.
I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."
Like if you think rape jokes are funny.
He's not really dead, his update failed.
Don't mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.
When will delusional Christians grow up and realize their fairy tales aren't based in reality?
What do a priest and Life have in common?
They both get harder when kids are around.
My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is, until my mom took the urn away from me.
Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?
A. An assault rifle.
When you're working in the Twin Towers and your computer connects to the airplane wifi.
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger went through the toilet paper.
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Willis.
Willis who?
Willis dick fit in yo mouth?!
What's the difference between Hitler and Logan Paul? At least Hitler had respect for the Japanese!
Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?
It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.
If rape was about power, then my electric bill would be a positive balance.
Their family portrait is also a dating app.
What is the difference between a woman and a knife?
The knife has a point.
Why can’t a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Because their focus is way off.
Why couldn't the farmer tend to the crops?
Because he's got no arms.
Why couldn't the teacher let her kids out?
Because she has no arms to open the door.
My face when “Free Palestine” wasn’t a sales deal.
How do you make rape funny? Tickle her while you do it.
Q. What do you call a prostitute who asks too many questions?
A. An intrusive thot.
What’s the craziest thing Kurt Cobain released?
The safety.
George Floyd: 3 years sober, drug and alcohol free.
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.
Why are retards good at basketball?
'Cause they dribble all the time!
Rape jokes are the funniest thing to ever exist.
What kind of fruit can fix your toilet?
A plum-mer.
What is a snake’s favourite subject?
Hiss-tory!
Why did Sally stay in school?
Because she has no arms, she can’t open the door, and the teacher left!
A vegan and a transgender jump off a cliff to see who will hit the bottom first.
Who wins?
Society.
What is the best way to kill a special ed kid?
Call them retarded.
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing, his mouth was full.
What’s another name for a woman giving birth?
Unloading the dishwasher.
Why is the USA bad at Clash Royale? 'Cause they already lost two towers.
Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?
When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.
Why can't disabled people make jokes?
Well, it's called Stand-Up comedy, isn't it?
Your hairline is so far back I learned about it in history class.
I bought a belt made of clocks.
It was a waist of time.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
What do sped gymnasts wear?
A Reotard.
What's the first rule of Wank Club?
Don't shake hands with anyone else in Wank Club.
What did one twin tower say to the other? "Be back, I gotta catch a plane."
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.
Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us.
What kind of beer is an orphan's favorite?
Foster's!
Why is it so hard to play hide-and-seek in an orphanage?
Because nobody is looking for them.
I got raped by my therapist... now I know where the name comes from!
Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.
What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?
"It will be over soon."
You know what the worst thing about gang rape is?
Having to wait your turn.
Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
Why do white people get abducted by aliens?
Because they're easier to see in the dark.
I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.
Why did the terrorist cross the road?
To get to the airport!
what do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a hot tub?
steamed vegetables.
Two gay kids made their version of the Jack and Jill nursery rhyme.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pair of lattes.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Don't touch the beds, they are sticky with white goo.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9.
Now why was 10 afraid? Because it was in the middle of 9-11.