What is the difference between a brown bear and a polar bear?
About a few thousand miles.
Royal
Battles come and go, I am eternal
I made a song about a tortilla. Well, it's more of a wrap.
What is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser.
The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore!
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"
"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."
The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"
The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."
"What about the boy?" the woman asked.
The doctor said, "Denephew."
Random guy: Hi, how old are you?
Me: 15
The guy: You're so young, age is just a number.
Me: Do you know what else is a number?
The guy: What?
Me: 911
Donald Trump will return to Twitter.
Who can relate?
NOT A RICK ROLL https://youtube.com/shorts/nnEQ5aWyO9U?feature=share
I would tell a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.
Captain America is a 106-year-old virgin.
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Breaking news (2020): Depressed pigeon misses shitting on people.
You will never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you got to hand it to her.
A guy in a white helmet telling kids to kill themselves.
You're more likely to be killed by a cow than by a shark.
Ricardo Medina, one of the former red Power Rangers, pleaded guilty to killing his roommate with a sword.
If Finding Nemo was scientifically correct, Marlin would have changed into a female and mated with Nemo.
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.
... It was a bittersweet victory.