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A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser. The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months she woke. She asked the doctor "hows the baby?" "You had twins" the doctor replied. "Your brother named them" the woman said *oh no not my brother what did he call them?" "He called the girl Denise" "what about the boy" the woman asked the doctor said "denephew"

Random guy: hi how old are you? Me:15 The guy: you're so young, age is just a number Me: do you know what else is a number? The guy: what? Me:911

Who can relate? NOT A RICK ROLL

Did you hear about the blind prostitute? Well, you got to hand it to her.

Ricardo Medina, one of the former red Power Rangers, pleaded guilty to killing his roommate with a sword.

If finding Nemo was scientifically correct, marlin would have changed into a female and mated with Nemo

I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake ... It was a bittersweet victory

What do you call a blonde in the freezer? Her parents named her Jessica, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.