A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"
Priest Jokes
Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to call them daddy.
What's the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
What’s the opposite of an exorcism?
It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."
A priest is drowning in a river. A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that God will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God said, "I sent you three f***ing boats and you didn't take them!"
What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing, his mouth was full.
Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.
What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?
Little boys' pants half off.
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
Roses are red, don’t touch the toys, these are what the priests use to lure in the boys.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.
Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"
Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"
Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"
Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"
Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."
Say all you want about priests, but at least they drive slowly in school zones.
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.