Why are priests called father? because its too suspicious to call them daddy.

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

A priest is drowning in a river… A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says “leave me alone, god will save me.” The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said "leave me alone, god will save me. " The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that god will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked god "why didn’t you save me. " God said "I sent you three f*****ing boats and you didn’t take them! "

3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, “u would never believe what i discovered.” intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. “oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers.” said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with," i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, “oh sh*t…”

What do catholic priests and JCPennys have in common?

Little boys pants half off.

whats the difference between McDonald’s and a priest

nothing… they both stick their meat in ten year old buns

What is a priests favorite song –Magic flute in A minor

How do you get a nun pregnant? – Dress her up as an alter boy.

Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.

There’s a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, “People need me for my medical skills.” grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, “People need me for my intelligence.” grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, “I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute.” The nerd says, “Don’t worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack.”

Roses are red, don’t touch the toys, these are what the priests use to lure in the boys.

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Any last requests?” “Yes,” replied the murderer, “Will you please hold my hand?”

The worst part about church is that you’re constantly switching between sitting, standing and kneeling; I mean, why can’t the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!

Whats The Difference Between A Rabi And A Priest One Cuts Them Off And One Sucks Them Off

A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says “what about the children” the rabbi says “fuck the children” and the Priest says "do you think we’ll have time

What is the difference between a Catholic priest and Acne? – Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, “Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?”

To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?

What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father in law

Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.