Priest Jokes

Why are priests called father? because its too suspicious to call them daddy.

A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him "What are you doing?!" Exclaims the priest

"There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"

The priest shakes his head

"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" He says

"Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school."

What's the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

A priest is drowning in a river... A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says "leave me alone, god will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said "leave me alone, god will save me. " The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that god will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked god "why didn't you save me. " God said "I sent you three f*****ing boats and you didn't take them! "

Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.

3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, "u would never believe what i discovered." intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. "oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with," i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "oh sh*t...."

whats the difference between McDonald's and a priest

nothing... they both stick their meat in ten year old buns

What do catholic priests and JCPennys have in common?

Little boys pants half off.

Roses are red, don’t touch the toys, these are what the priests use to lure in the boys.

What is a priests favorite song --Magic flute in A minor

What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? they both start at 12.

There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills." grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence." grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."

What’s the opposite of an exorcism? It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Any last requests?" "Yes," replied the murderer, "Will you please hold my hand?"

What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.

How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.

Whats the difference between a Silver Medal and a Priest?

They both came in a little behind.

The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing and kneeling; I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!

Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.

Man walks up to a priest. The man says "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says "No you are not my son." The man says " Follow me." The man walks into the bar and the bartender says "Jesus Christ your back!"