Daughter: Dad.
Dad: Yes honey?
Daughter: I'm lesbian.
Dad: Ok.
Daughter 2: Dad.
Dad: Yes?
Daughter 2: I'm lesbian too.
Dad: God, does anyone like boys around here?
Son: I do...
Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.
Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?
Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.
... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.
What's a lesbian's favorite sport? Dodgeball.
Rock, paper, lesbians.
What do you call a German lesbian?
A krautmuncher.
What do turtles and lesbians have in common? They both choke on plastic.
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
What does a lesbian bring on the second date?
A U-Haul.
What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? Snap-on tools.
Did you hear about the exciting new drug they developed for lesbians with depression? They call it: TRICOXAGIN.
Two gay guys, two lesbians, and two pedophiles have a race.
What is the order of finish?
1. Lesbians. Doing 69 the whole way.
2. Pedophiles. Coming in a little behind.
3. Gay guys. Still packing their shit.
I'm hertophobic -
aka I'm allergic to all straight guys.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss.
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
Q: What is a lesbian's version of a cock block?
A: A beaver dam.
