Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...
“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
Jack and Jill went up the hill each with a buck and a quarter, Jill came down with $2.50 and Jack came down smiling.
jack and jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed jill's thigh and said you know you wanna. Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, But stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.
Jack and jill went up a hill so Jack could eat her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c*** because Jills real name is Randy
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun Silly Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.
Why did Mary have a little lamb 🐑? Because a big one was too much in bed.
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach. F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech. G is for George smothered under a rug. H is for Hector done in by a thug. I is for Ida who drowned in a lake. J is for James who took lye by mistake. K is for Kate who was struck with an axe. L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks. M is for Maud who was swept out to sea. N is for Neville who died of ennui. O is for Olive run through with an awl. P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl. Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire. R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire. S is for Susan who perished of fits. T is for Titus who flew into bits. U is for Una who slipped down a drain. V is for Victor squashed under a train. W is for Winnie embedded in ice. X is for Xerxes devoured by mice. Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in. Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin
"Humpty dumpty sat on the wall, humpty dumpty had a great fall.... All the kings horses and all the kings men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows
the cradle will rock when the bough breaks
the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall
and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
"Lizzie Borden took an axe And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one. "
JACK AND JILL 2.0
After Jill went down the hill to get a pill,
Jack was screaming till his voice went nil
And Jill screamed "Chill!"
What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme? I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out
They never told us humpty was a egg. A man died then!
Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpy was an egg?
🎶Rock a bye baby on the tree Top, when the wind blows the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, not moving a muscle not making a sound.🎶
Do [or "Oh, do"] you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes [or "Oh, yes"], I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane
Mary had a great big ram his fleece was white as snow when on hands and knees our Mary went his wad was sure to blow
Month by month her belly grew increasing in it's girth and when five months had flown by our Mary did give birth
And Mary had a little lamb a little lamb, a little lamb....
Jack and Jill went up a hill his condom ripped and now they are from Alabama
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water. WHERE DO THEY REALLY GO BECAUSE WATER CAN NOT BE AT THE TOP OF A HILL!? I honestly think that only people with a physics degree can make nursery rhythms
Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock
He finally got up there, but a bird stole his co-
Jack and Jill went up the hill to start to build the still for Jill, Jack stopped and said to drunkin' Jill to build this still will take so long, Jill said to Jack well F---k the still and kiss my ass, and watch me take another pill.
