Compliment jokes
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.
How do emos compliment each other?
They say, "I like your cuts g."
How to complement a depressed person: "I like your cuts, g."
You are the reason double doors were invented.
The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"
The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"
"Yellow and far apart."
I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.
"You look like you've lost some weight."
"Really? Well, whatever weight I lost, you found it, pal!"
Me: I look up to you.
Friend: Wow, thanks!
Me: But in general cuz your so tall.
A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday.
I think she was pulling my leg.
You look good with anything, but nothing works too.
You're not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
I would roast you but you're already so hot.
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"
In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
I am still trying to figure out why paying the COVID doctors a compliment is so offensive. They even kicked me out, and all I said was to stay positive...
If a midget walks up to you and tells you your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.
A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."