Compliment jokes

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"

Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"

Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."

"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"

In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Shrek thought he was ugly until he saw you.

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.

How do emos compliment each other?

They say, "I like your cuts g."

I am still trying to figure out why paying the COVID doctors a compliment is so offensive. They even kicked me out, and all I said was to stay positive...

If a midget walks up to you and tells you your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?

Wife: "How would you describe me?"

Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."

Wife: "What does that mean?"

Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."

Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

You are the reason double doors were invented.

How to complement a depressed person: "I like your cuts, g."

The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"

The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"

"Yellow and far apart."

"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.

I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.

Me: I look up to you.

Friend: Wow, thanks!

Me: But in general cuz your so tall.

"You look like you've lost some weight."

"Really? Well, whatever weight I lost, you found it, pal!"

A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday.

I think she was pulling my leg.

You look good with anything, but nothing works too.

One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”

I would roast you but you're already so hot.