So I hooked up with a girl at a party, but I forgot that it was a family reunion. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA STARTS PLAYING
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
“Wait a minute” I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen
Then it clicked. “Ah, so that’s how you died”
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”
Yesterday I was f...ing my sister and she said’ you f... a lot like dad I said “really mum said that too.”
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when i saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that as a punishment, she won’t eat butter for 1 month. Today i saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her “nice try”.
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?" Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You’re only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?" Cindy says: "Well daddy, I’ll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it …" Dad gives in and says: “OK, give me a head-job then”. He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste’s like shit!" Dad goes: “Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon …”
Me: I kiss my mom on the lips Friend: Uh, I guess that’s somewhat nor- Me: Lower lips Friend: I gotta go