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when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder

So I hooked up with a girl at a party, but I forgot that it was a family reunion. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA STARTS PLAYING

When your crush walks in class but youre homeschooled…

i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

When you’re f...ing your boss’s daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.

How do you circumcise a hill billy… Kick his sister in the jaw

So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”

What’s the best part about plowing your cousin?

-It makes your sister jealous

Guys my sisters pregnant!

Im finally a dad!

Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest? Mom: Shut up and keep licking.

I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back till i realized it is a family buisness

So a daughter goes to her dad and says “daddy can I borrow the car?” He the tells her “you know what to do”. So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust and says “ugh tastes like shit” her dad then said “damn I forgot your brother took the car”

My sister’s bf is mad at me cuz I f...ed his girl

So I heard Kenny’s mom got moved to a nursing home. He’ll probably leave her alone now. He doesn’t eat vegetables.

I would name my daughter awesome so I can tell people that I’m f...ing awesome.

What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?

A virgin.

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

“Wait a minute” I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen

Then it clicked. “Ah, so that’s how you died”

The sexual shout “Yes Daddy” probably originated in alabama

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when i saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that as a punishment, she won’t eat butter for 1 month. Today i saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her “nice try”.

Yesterday I was f...ing my sister and she said’ you f... a lot like dad I said “really mum said that too.”