So I hooked up with a girl at a party, but I forgot that it was a family reunion. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA STARTS PLAYING
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
“Wait a minute” I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen
Then it clicked. “Ah, so that’s how you died”
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when i saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that as a punishment, she won’t eat butter for 1 month. Today i saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her “nice try”.
Yesterday I was f...ing my sister and she said’ you f... a lot like dad I said “really mum said that too.”