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So I hooked up with a girl at a party, but I forgot that it was a family reunion. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA STARTS PLAYING

When your crush walks in class but youre homeschooled…

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

“Wait a minute” I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen

Then it clicked. “Ah, so that’s how you died”

How do you circumcise a hill billy… Kick his sister in the jaw

When you’re your boss’s daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.

What do you do when your daughter starts smoking?

Slow down and use lube.

What’s the best part about plowing your cousin?

-It makes your sister jealous

So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”

i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest? Mom: Shut up and keep licking.

My sister’s bf is mad at me cuz I f...ed his girl

I would name my daughter awesome so I can tell people that I’m awesome.

What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?

A virgin.

Yesterday I was my sister and she said’ you f... a lot like dad I said “really mum said that too.”

How do you circumcise a redneck?

You kick his sister in the jaw

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when i saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that as a punishment, she won’t eat butter for 1 month. Today i saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her “nice try”.

Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?" Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You’re only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?" Cindy says: "Well daddy, I’ll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it …" Dad gives in and says: “OK, give me a head-job then”. He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste’s like shit!" Dad goes: “Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon …”

A new game the whole family can play…


Me: I kiss my mom on the lips Friend: Uh, I guess that’s somewhat nor- Me: Lower lips Friend: I gotta go

What do you call a hillbilly girl who’s faster then her brothers

A redneck virgin