Plane jokes
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?
A: They don't belong in buildings.
A collection of 911 jokes.
What kinda pizza did they order at 911?
Plane.
What was the color of 911?
Plane.
What is the fastest way to see 911?
Plane.
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
Is it a bird, is it a plane?
No, it’s a 9/11 victim.
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
What did the Twin Towers' mom say when she fed them? "Open wide honey, here comes the airplane."
Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
In America, planes hit the Twin Towers. In Soviet Russia, Twin Towers hit planes.
You know, people should really stop making fun of 911....both my parents died.
One driving one plane, and the other driving the other.
I’m old enough to remember innocent times when the worst headline was plane hijackers flying into buildings.
I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.
Who reads the fastest?
The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers. He took out 83 stories in one go.
So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."
It was dinner in the plane, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" the passenger said.
"Yes or no," the flight attendant replied.
What did Trump rename the Presidential plane?
Answer: Hair Force One!
None of these jokes really took off.
I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.
What did the soccer player say to the flight attendant? "Please put me in coach!"