Wheelchair Jokes

Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

One day I was jogging through the park and I saw this lady sitting next to a pond in a wheelchair with no legs and arms and said "Why are you crying" she said she had never been hugged I gave her a hug and jogged away.The next day i saw her again and asked her the same question she said "I've never been kissed" I gave her a kiss and went, The third day i asked her thrice and she said I've never been fucked I picked her up from her wheelchair and throwed her in the pond and said your fucked now She didn't make it:)

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile.

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.

I can't stand being in a wheelchair.

My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.

Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand-up.

Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.

If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?

RC-XD incoming.

What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?

Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.

A blind man had an argument with a man in a wheelchair. The man in a wheelchair made fun of him saying, "look, there's a spider." The blind man simply said, "Step on it."

I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.

"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.

"Boxing?"

"No, ... hurdles."

I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."

My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"

What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:

Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"

Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"

Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"

I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.