Wheelchair jokes

Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile.

My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.

I can't stand being in a wheelchair.

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.

One day I was jogging through the park and I saw this lady sitting next to a pond in a wheelchair with no legs and arms and said "Why are you crying" she said she had never been hugged I gave her a hug and jogged away.The next day i saw her again and asked her the same question she said "I've never been kissed" I gave her a kiss and went, The third day i asked her thrice and she said I've never been fucked I picked her up from her wheelchair and throwed her in the pond and said your fucked now She didn't make it:)

Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand-up.

If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?

RC-XD incoming.

A blind man had an argument with a man in a wheelchair. The man in a wheelchair made fun of him saying, "look, there's a spider." The blind man simply said, "Step on it."

What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?

Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.

I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."

My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"

I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.

"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.

"Boxing?"

"No, ... hurdles."

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.

A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:

Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"

Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"

Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"

I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.