your hairline goes so far back you can see a full world scale map in your forehead reflection

What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson’s dreams every night?


Why did the Octopus go down the toilet.Because he had a toiletcal in the drain.

Why can't a woman find a glory hole inside of the lady's room? Because piss comes out of a woman's pussy

Person: Did you hear about the black chick on the front of the bus Friend: No? Person: Exactly

Israel is so fat when he goes to KFC and they ask what size bucket he says "the one on the roof"😂

"what do you want to eat" "You choose" "Children" "What?" *Picks up pot* "You said anything"

A guy told a beautiful girl "hey I want to make love to you if I throw 2000$ when you go to pick it up that's when I'll go is that okay?" She called her husband and he said "okay but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down" Four hours later she shows up to her house and tell her husband "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS"

If Mexico is an unredeemable shithole, then how come the Republicans' favourite senator, Ted Cruz, ran to Mexico as fast as he could after a little bit of snow in his home?