Vasya2003

If life is a joke, does that make school shootings the punchline?

I think the Explanation Bear reminds me of Stephen Hawking. Because they're both part machine, and nobody likes them explaining everything.

Why are American pilots better than Russian pilots?

Because they sure as hell don't drink on the job.

You remind me of a crispy KFC bucket.

Why?

Because you're always finger lickin' good!

Do you go to the gym? Because I sure could use a workout session with you tonight.

Can I be your tripod? Because I want to take a good look at you from all angles.

Can I be the hammer to your nail? Just so I can pound you down to my wood?

What's the difference between me and Elliot Yamin?

I will not be waiting for you.

Are you a cardiologist? My heart is missing, can I have yours instead?

Excuse me, are you a chiropractor? Because I want to take a crack at taking you out to dinner.

Why do you think SpongeBob will be good at sex? Because he's always ready.

Maybe I should call you Patrick Star, wanna know why?

Because you're fat, stupid, lazy and everyone laughs at you for it.

You're so skinny that every time you get an X-ray, you call it a selfie.

Why is one brain cell kinda like finding your dad?

Because there's a one in a billion chance of finding them.

What do Ethiopians and castanets have in common?

They go "Click click" "Clack clack".

What's a skeleton's favorite movie?

Indiana Bones.

My wife caught me touching myself to an optical illusion. And I said, "Honey, it's not what it looks like."

You're so anorexic that you'd beat an Ethiopian villager in a beauty contest.

You're so sad that you make the Great Depression look like a better time period to live in.

What's black and doesn't work?

A filthy porch monkey at the zoo.