My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"
Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.
Johnny Depp, Michael Jackson, and Marilyn Manson all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Why don't you take a seat, right over there?" Turns out the bartender was Chris Hansen himself.
What do TVs and girls have in common?
They both show you stuff when you turn them on!
What is a Manchester United fanβs favourite TV channel? The History Channel.
Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, "You forgot the remote!"
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, βDo we have to adopt a donkey?β βNo,β replied the mom, βbut we decided to do it... we adopted you.β
I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"
What's the difference between a good TV show and a gay man?
One makes your day and one makes your whole week.
What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?
"Drop it, Jamal!"
Do you know the TV show "Naked and Afraid?" Well, that's what my grandpa and I played when I was young.
Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"
Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."
Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"
So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."
What is the difference between an orphan and a TV?
One has more channels.
Why are Black people getting stronger?
Because the TVs are getting bigger.
I'm not racist, I have a colored TV.
Trying to make jokes in 2020-2021 be like:
Comedian: "When she went in front of the TV, it took an hour till you could see the screen again."
Audience: "Why you gotta be so offensive?"
Comedian: "I'm not tr-"
Audience: "Oh, so now you're trying to debate?"
Comedian: "I-"
Audience: "Now you're acting racist?!"
Yo mama so clueless, she sat on the TV to watch the couch.
My young son saw Trump on TV. He asked, "Why is the man on TV painted orange?" I replied, "Son, when Russia pays that much for equipment, they don't want it to rust."
A blonde walks in and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde asks, "That's it, how'd you know I was a blonde?"
The seller replies, "Because that's a microwave."
Your momma is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches the couch.
