Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, “you forgot the remote”
Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.
A kid is watching tv and sees an ad about adopting an animal,he then turns to his mother and says “do we have to adopt a donkey” “no” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it…we adopted you”.
Hi guys. I am so happy and proud of myself and i thought i should share with you!! Today i saw myself on TV when i turned it off.
johnny was watching TV when you hear them say bitch and bastards so he ask hes dad “what is a bitch and bastard.” dad say “a bitch is a female and a bastard is a mail.” then johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say ass and shit so he ask hes dad what shit and ass means dad says “a shit is shaving creme like what i’m putting on my face and ass is a coat why don’t you bug your mom.” so johnny goes back to the TV and then they say fuck so johnny ask his mom what fuck means mom says "fuck means carving like doing to the turkey then a few minutes later Johnny hears a knock on the door so he answers it he then says “welcome bitch and bastard may i tack your ass” the people then ask wear hes parents are johnny says "my dad is putting shit on hes face and my mom i fucking the turkey.
My young son saw trump on TV he asked “Why is the man on TV painted orange?” I replied “Son when Russia pays that much for equipment, They don’t want it to rust”
My whife caught me one day for watching a porn channel so i quickly turned the tv to a fishing channel. On her way out she said: ‘You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!’
What was Stephen Hawking’s favourite TV show?
my friend " ya mama so stupid she sits on the tv and watches the couch" me " THAT JOKES OLDER THAN YOUR MOM "
Your momma is so dumb she sits on the TV and watches the couch.
A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping, the boy asks “what is that man doing?”. The mom says “Making pizza” trying to turn him away.
The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says “Making extra cheese”. When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says “Ordering the pizza”.
Later that day the mother says to the father “I think I want some to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, dont know why that sounds good”.
So that night the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs “wanna order some pizza !?”
The mother replied “DONT WORRY IM MAKING SOME”
the sons voice followed " IM ADDING EXTRA CHEESE"
yo mama so fAt that when she walked past the TV you missed 3 episodes of your favourite show.
Two TV antennas got married. The church ceremony was terrible, but the reception was fantastic!
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says"I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?" Man,“Sorry i thought it was the start of Eastenders”
Walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by him self and he looked like he needed a hand so i offered to help, he said this is not a big screen TV its a Kindle!!
So I was watching tv right? then i f…ing got banged in the eye with either a remore or metal tongs “wtf”
Why did billy kill himself with a tv remote? He wasn’t even REMOTELY close to being happy.
Your head so big you can wash a big tv on it
there was man, who had just moved from a foreign country. he just moved into his apartment, and was watching his favorite TV shows. the first one was “me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me,” the second one was “forks and knives, forks and knives, all i use is forks and knives,” and the last one was “BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!” There had been a murder in the area, and the man was walking in the park when a cop showed up and asked him “sir, have you seen this man?” and held up a photo. the man said “me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me.” the cop said, “sir, what did you use.” and the man said “forks and knives, forks and knives, all i use is forks and knives.” after that, the cop said, “sir, im going to have to arrest you,” and the man said “BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!” the screen goes black, and all you can here “chk-chk. BANG”
Why is Ronan’s forehead the size of Jupiter? Because he dropped the TV on his forehead it also had rings
Why is Jupiter’s ring stuck in orbit? Because Ronan’s forehead kept it stuck in orbit
Snails are like sperm, slow and sloppy