There’s nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

What do suicidal people do in their spare time?

Hang out.

I believe “Self-Babtism” is a nice way of saying “Failed Suicide Attempt”

Last week I told my psychiatrist, “I keep thinking about suicide,” and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide” The librarian replies, “No,you won’t give it back”

The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are

what’s the difference between a feminist and suicide vest

a least one does something when it is triggered

Who’s the fastest reader

Me cause I’ll be jumping off so many stories

To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I’m still here

I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

I don’t call it suicide. I call it population control

What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?

Suicide Boomer

suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry

My mom ask stop making joke about suicide I answer- don’t worry …I stop soon

I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again I almost killed myself

The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work…

He’s a suicide bomber.

What is the best cure for aging?


If a person shoot’s a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful or is it murder?

Friend #1: “Yo guys, what’s the most unfair game you’ve ever played? For me it’s Fortnite.”

Friend #2: “I’d have to say Monopoly.”

Me: “The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it’s a one-way game.”

Friend #2: “Uhh…that’s not exactly what he meant…”

Friend #1: calls the suicide hotline