Suicide Jokes

Autobiography

Anonymous
·

“I’m thinking about killing off the main character in this book I’m writing.”

“What type of book is it?”

“An autobiography.”

6

Depression

Anonymous
·

The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are

Suicide

Kattttt
·

Think everyone who wrote these jokes are dead yet?

Jump

Anonymous
·

Who’s the fastest reader

Me cause I’ll be jumping off so many stories

6

Depression

Anonymous
·

Are you suicide, cause you're always on my mind

Hang

Anonymous
·

I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging

4

Depression

Shannon Hamilton
·

A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide” The librarian replies, “No,you won’t give it back”

Worry

Anonymous
·

My mom ask stop making joke about suicide I answer- don’t worry ...I stop soon

6

Depression

Not so Anonymous
·

What's a depressed persons favourite drink

Depresso espresso

Nah just kidding it's bleach

Depression

justdepression
·

I don't call it suicide. I call it population control

Depression

Anonymous
·

Suicide is never the answer Suicide is the question The answer is yes

8

Hang

Anonymous
·

What do suicidal people do in their spare time?

Hang out.

4

Hang

Anonymous
·

I’m going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I’m a piñata

Depression

Anonymous
·

There’s nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

Depression

Ropeswithoutratingonebay
·

There are going so many things through my head. Sadly none of it is a 9mm.

5

Pay

Anonymous
·

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

1

Man

Matt G
·

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

Iran

Anonymous
·

where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!

7

Try

Anonymous
·

Someone asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. I responded, "Absolutely. A few times actually. I'm just not very good at it."

Believing

The Irish Outlaw
·

I believe "Self-Babtism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt"