Last week I told my psychiatrist, “I keep thinking about suicide,” and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

There’s nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

I believe “Self-Babtism” is a nice way of saying “Failed Suicide Attempt”

A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide” The librarian replies, “No,you won’t give it back”

The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are

I don’t call it suicide. I call it population control

Who’s the fastest reader

Me cause I’ll be jumping off so many stories

What do suicidal people do in their spare time?

Hang out.

I’m going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I’m a piñata

I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again I almost killed myself

My mom ask stop making joke about suicide I answer- don’t worry …I stop soon

To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I’m still here

You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)

What do you do when life gives you lemons Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist.🙂💊💉

What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?

Suicide Boomer

What makes suicide illegal?

Getting caught.

There are going so many things through my head. Sadly none of it is a 9mm.

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

What is the best cure for aging?


I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.