Last week I told my psychiatrist, “I keep thinking about suicide,” and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide” The librarian replies, “No,you won’t give it back”

I don’t call it suicide. I call it population control

I believe “Self-Babtism” is a nice way of saying “Failed Suicide Attempt”

The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are

There’s nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

Who’s the fastest reader

Me cause I’ll be jumping off so many stories

I’m going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I’m a piñata

Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind

What do suicidal people do in their spare time?

Hang out.

My mom ask stop making joke about suicide I answer- don’t worry …I stop soon

To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I’m still here

There are going so many things through my head. Sadly none of it is a 9mm.

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry

What makes suicide illegal?

Getting caught.

Suicide is illegal because it’s a crime to destroy government property.

Suicide is never the answer Suicide is the question The answer is yes

What is the best cure for aging?

Suicide.

Friend #1: “Yo guys, what’s the most unfair game you’ve ever played? For me it’s Fortnite.”

Friend #2: “I’d have to say Monopoly.”

Me: “The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it’s a one-way game.”

Friend #2: “Uhh…that’s not exactly what he meant…”

Friend #1: calls the suicide hotline

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