A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”
My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison? He's a small medium at large.
If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?
Does your shoe have a hole in it
No
Then how did you put your foot in it
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?
Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.
Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.
"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."
"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."
Three women- a blonde, a brunette and a redhead- are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two two hours later their vehicle dies with no gas and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them. The brunette brings canteens of water. The redhead takes a large beach umbrella. The Blonde somehow rips off the car door. The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?" To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
What’s a foot on one end, a foot on the other end, and a foot in the middle.
A meter stick
What did the brother cell say when the sister cell stepped on his foot? Ow, mitosis! (my toe, sis)
Other girls be like, "I want a 6ft guy", meanwhile I want to be 6ft under. 😃👍
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
There's an outbreak of foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.
I hope my teacher will be ok.
Why did the leper fail his driving test?
He left his foot on the clutch.
What's the twin towers' favorite football team?
New York Jets.
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
Covid said to stay 6 feet... I didn't think Kobe meant it literally.
Yo mama's feet are so fat, she had to wear a sock on each toe.
Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:
1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."
Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?
Because he has holes in his feet.
