My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1 foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says “man, how’d you get such a short piano player.” The bartender says in response” there’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says “what just happened” the bartender replies “the genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12 inch pianist?”

Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison? He’s a small medium at large.

Does your shoe have a hole in it

No

Then how did you put your foot in it

Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?

Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it

Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow

If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?

Three women- a blonde, a brunette and a redhead- are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two two hours later their vehicle dies with no gas and they’re forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them. The brunette brings canteens of water. The redhead takes a large beach umbrella. The Blonde somehow rips off the car door. The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?" To which the blonde replied, “So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot.”

Why did the leper fail his driving test? He left his foot on the clutch

What’s a foot on one end, a foot on the other end, and a foot in the middle.

A meter stick

How do you stop a baby from drowning?

-Lift up your foot

Discuss the synopsis of this poem. My Friend Billy Has A Ten Foot Willy.

I don’t have a carbon foot print, I just drive everywhere.

How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13 foot deep pool.

Me:how does this thing work? ForTnite kid: oh u don’t know how to use a pistol look I’ll show you ForTnitekid: shoots foot Me: that wasn’t a very good demonstration

What did the brother cell say when the sister cell stepped on his foot? Ow, mitosis! (my toe, sis)

Step on ur small sister foot she will always open her mouth like a dustbin

“This isn’t the first time my husband’s cheated on me, but you’re my sister! You’d better have a better explanation than this magic lamp.”

“You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world’s biggest penis…ended up with a concert pianist that’s seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world’s biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world’s biggest dick and that’s how I ended up on top of your husband.”

Why Cant You Nose Be Twelve Inches Because Then it Would Be A Foot

Why did the cookie go to the hospital …because she was crummy what did the toilet say to the other toilet …you look flushed what has 1 head 1 foot and 4 legs …a bed

Are you talking to me becasue i think you talked to my back side. 2. Your mom must taste good because it is always in your mouth. 3. My foot last longer than your life.