What’s a foot on one end, a foot on the other end, and a foot in the middle.
A meter stick
If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?
Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison? He's a small medium at large.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1 foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says “man, how’d you get such a short piano player.” The bartender says in response” there’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says “what just happened” the bartender replies “the genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12 inch pianist?”
My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
when your mom tells you to stop playing on computer. you say, "Foot you!"
"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."
"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?
Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it
Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
Three women- a blonde, a brunette and a redhead- are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two two hours later their vehicle dies with no gas and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them. The brunette brings canteens of water. The redhead takes a large beach umbrella. The Blonde somehow rips off the car door. The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?" To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
What did the brother cell say when the sister cell stepped on his foot? Ow, mitosis! (my toe, sis)
Does your shoe have a hole in it
No
Then how did you put your foot in it
ill suck on that big toe for 5 bucks in the back of an alley way to be honest
what did the barbwire say to big foot my name is jeff
i used to hate foot fungus, but now its growing on me
Why did I trip over your foot …? …. Because you were so short I couldn’t see you !
I never get off on the wrong foot
Why can’t a nose be 12 feet long?
Because then, it would be a foot
Man: how tall is a penguin?
Bartender: about three foot why?
Man: o shit the Bible bashing nuns I fucking hit one
Poor car
