I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess.
His family is nuts.
His neighbor is an asshole.
His best friend is a pussy.
And his owner beats him.
What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
I'd hit you, but I don't want to go to jail for animal abuse.
Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?
A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.
What do a pedophile and a clock have in common? Neither of them go past 12.
One time, I broke up with my Roblox girlfriend by sending her a message. Thirty seconds later, I heard my uncle crying in the next room.
Roses are red, don’t touch the toys, these are what the priests use to lure in the boys.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?
Little boys' pants half off.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
What type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole?
A pedophile.
What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.
Wacko Jacko bleached his skin, lit his head on fire, slept in a chamber, abused his pet monkey, built an amusement park on his own backyard, had toys as decor for his home, slept with little boys, raped little boys. Jacko was Florida Man before Florida Man.
Did you hear about Johnny Depp's shelter for abused women? It's going as well as Michael Jackson's children's hospital!
What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.
Two pedophiles talking to each other:
"Do you got two fives for one ten?"
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
How many times can 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out.
