Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."
What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.
The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.
The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.
And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"
I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.
*School shooting happens*
Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk*
American student: "First time?"
There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.
Why are so many Americans stupid? Because they shoot the ones that go to school.
Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
What’s the difference between a bullet and a Jew?
One comes out of the chamber.
If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?
I don't like the word "gun".
Whenever I say it, people always get triggered.
What's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school?
When you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)
you can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun??SpecialForces
What’s the only time you can do almost whatever you want
When you have a gun in you hand
When the school shooter walks by the emo kid and doesn’t feel his gun anymore.
My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.
A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read "Hey im sorry i had to tell you like this but i have been doing your wife for months now" The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying "Sorry meant using your wifi"
