Gun jokes

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"

"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."

"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."

"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."

I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.

You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.

A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."

I don't like the word "gun".

Whenever I say it, people always get triggered.

Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"

A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read, "Hey, I'm sorry I had to tell you like this but I have been doing your wife for months now." The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying, "Sorry, meant using your wifi."

What is a gun that Africa doesn't have? A water gun.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special Forces.

Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.

Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.

Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."

So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.

Due to the rising cost of ammunition, there will be no warning shots.

What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.

Boss: You're fired.

Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*

Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?

A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"

Where is the cheapest gun range? Your local public school.

Imagine you're playing GTA and you finally found out how to take out a gun: Option 1: shoot someone Option 2: suicide

Me: Aren't they the same thing?

I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.