Stand-up comedy jokes
Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.
What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?
Stand-up comedy.
I love Steven Hawking’s stand-up comedy!
Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.
What's the difference between Chaplin and a politician in a wheelchair?
Chaplin does stand-up comedy, and the politician does sit-down... comedy.
A man walks into a bar, and there is a line of people waiting to punch him.
Yeah, that was the punchline.
Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that does comedy?
Sit down comedy.
Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"
Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.
LOL
If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady, but couldn't stand up?
So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.
Why don't paralyzed people laugh?
They hate stand-up comedy.
I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand-up comedy, oh wait...
I love Steven Hawking's stand-up comedy!
I was in Russia at a stand-up comedy performance about someone making fun of Putin, but the jokes were awful. The execution was nice, though.
What is the worst comedy for disabled people?
Stand-up comedy!
Why can't disabled people make jokes?
Well, it's called Stand-Up comedy, isn't it?
Once I was in South Korea doing stand up comedy... and I started with a "hidden" joke and I said: "I'm so happy to be here in one of the most beautiful Korea's in the world..." which is a good joke but they didn't get it, and they looked at me badly... so I said "I'm here in the South which is more beautiful... South good, North booooooo." But still nothing, they kept glaring at me... then I realized that maybe I was in the wrong Korea.
Friend: If you don't like my bad jokes, I will tell some stand up comedy.
Me: But you are not standing:)