Q: What was the orphans first phone? A: The iPhone X because it had no home button

I’m old enough to remember innocent times when the worst headline was plane hijackers flying into buildings.

How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar? Because they both have eyes.

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " fucking, fuck,fuck,Fuck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen fucking the turkey.

What do you call an athlete who injured 75% of his spine?

A quarterback

why did the kid go in the guys van

answer: he thought he was being adopted

I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.

Knock knock. (Who is there.) Pizza. (Pizza who?) Never mind it was so cheesy.

How do you circumcise a redneck Kick his sister in the chin

Danny Devito looks like one of those men with a short, yet thick penis.

One of the most popular documentaries of the 2010’s was ‘Jiro Dreams of Sushi’.

One of the least popular documentaries was ‘Jiro’s Nightmare of Ass-Rape’.

Two businessmen bought the Milwaukee Bucks for $500 million. They are very excited about their transaction, for this is the only legal way to own black people.

How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach ?

Stop eating caterpillars

What did the bison say to his son leaving for school? Bye son! Get it? Bye son Bison

Why did the boy drop his ice cream because he got hit by a truck

knock knock. whos there? Europe. Europe who? no im not a poo your a poo.

What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping. A dino-snore!!!

why do midgets laugh when they run the grass tickles their balls

How come none of my friends have dungeons? Oddly enough, they all have rape-dungeons.

What cow can part water? Mooses

What games do monks play a lot?

AMONK us.