Worst Jokes Ever
Child: Dad, I want you to say "I'm a Man" after everything I say!
Dad: Uh, okay?
Child: My wife cheated on me.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: So I went to the bar.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: I met a hot girl.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: So I brought her home.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: After sleeping together, she woke up, faced me and said...
Dad: I'm a man.
Why did Hitler kill himself?
So he didn't have to pay the gas bills.
(Teacher): "What's one sport you want to do, but you're not good at?"
(Me): "Suicide."
How do you stop a gang of black men from raping a white girl?
Throw them a basketball.
What do me, emos, and Monster cans have in common?
A barcode.
A man complains to a slave dealer: "The slave you sold me died!"
"By the gods," replies the dealer, "he never did that when I owned him!"
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
If I cut my wrist, am I a zebra or a tiger?
I told my boyfriend one time when I was drunk that I like being raped. The next day, he comes over and says, "Want to have sex?" I said no. He was arrested two days later.
Why can't an orphan ever play baseball?
Because they never found home.
Why is America so good at Rubik's cubes?
They have a history of sorting colours.
The cemetery sure is overcrowded today.
I guess people are dying to get in.
You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
A man walks into a bar and places a 12-inch man onto the counter as well as a small piano. The 12-inch man starts playing the piano really well.
The bartender asks the man where he got the 12-inch man. The man says there is a genie two blocks around the corner.
The bartender runs to the genie and makes a wish. The bartender comes back with 1 million ducks. The bartender says to the man, "That genie is dumb! I asked for 1 million bucks."
The man says, "Do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?"
Why do Black people go to church so much?
Because the priest is the only father they know.
How many Indians does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and wait for the British to come and do it.
What’s the most positive thing in Africa?
Their HIV test.
Why can black people post offensive jokes about making fun of white people, but white people can't post offensive jokes about making fun of black people? Because white people have white privilege. What happened to freedom of speech?
Why is it called scissoring and not lip-syncing?
Got my girlfriend a "get better soon" card. She's not sick, I just think she can do better.