Worst Jokes Ever
If rape is sexual assault, then why does my dad do it? (He specializes in sexual assault cases.)
I told my boyfriend one time when I was drunk that I like being raped. The next day, he comes over and says, "Want to have sex?" I said no. He was arrested two days later.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Why is America so good at Rubik's cubes?
They have a history of sorting colours.
Yo mama so short, Super Mario mistook her for a Goomba and jumped on her head.
A man walks into a bar and places a 12-inch man onto the counter as well as a small piano. The 12-inch man starts playing the piano really well.
The bartender asks the man where he got the 12-inch man. The man says there is a genie two blocks around the corner.
The bartender runs to the genie and makes a wish. The bartender comes back with 1 million ducks. The bartender says to the man, "That genie is dumb! I asked for 1 million bucks."
The man says, "Do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?"
How many Indians does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and wait for the British to come and do it.
Why do Black people go to church so much?
Because the priest is the only father they know.
Why can black people post offensive jokes about making fun of white people, but white people can't post offensive jokes about making fun of black people? Because white people have white privilege. What happened to freedom of speech?
What’s the most positive thing in Africa?
Their HIV test.
Why is it called scissoring and not lip-syncing?
Got my girlfriend a "get better soon" card. She's not sick, I just think she can do better.
If number 666 is evil, then 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil.
What’s the difference between an Indian and an Arab?
One's responsible for 7/11, the other's responsible for 9/11.
What is the difference between my dad’s generation and my generation of women?
He had Wonder Woman, and I have to wonder if it’s a woman.
What do you call an orphan being kidnapped?
A surprise adoption!!
Kid: "Grandma, what's dark humour?"
Grandma: "See that man in the wheelchair over there?"
Kid: "But Grandma! I'm blind!"
Grandma: "Exactly."
If Asians are bad at driving, then was Pearl Harbor an accident?
What do a priest and Life have in common?
They both get harder when kids are around.
Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?
It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.