Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.
There once was a man named Dave who dug up a prostitutes grave, she was as moldy as shit and missing a tit, but think of all the money he saved
What does a ginger do when they want to high five a friend? They clap.
The Israeli government is the biggest joke of all.
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
What do you call a movie at Bill Cosby’s house?
Netflix and pill.
Sippin' on promethazine With lean, I fell in love I can't put down the cup I can't put down the cup I can't put down the cup I can't put down the cup I can't put down the cup I can't put down the cup
An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession: Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old." Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?" Man: "I never have, I am Jewish." Father: "Then why are telling me all this?" Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
When Mother Teresa went to heaven, she was greeted by Saint Peter with a halo for her dedication to the needy. After walking around for a while, she saw Lady Diana with a bigger halo. She got angry at Lady Diana and went to Saint Peter and asked him why she had a bigger one, and Saint Peter said, "Oh, that’s not a halo, that’s a steering wheel."
Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.
A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Why was the snowman smiling?
Because he saw the snow blower coming down the street.
Aiden
Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.
Mmmmmmmmhhh, can't believe how much you have to put it on the same. In meinen Jahren mache and Second hand.
Ever tried African food?
Neither have they.
I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.
Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
I met an African girl the other night, we spoke for hours.
We just clicked.
