Two men were talking about their wives

The first man says “My wife is an angel.” The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

0

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

0

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

1

How do Mexicans feel about Trump’s wall? – They’ll get over it.

0

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. – I gave him a glass of water.

0

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it’s clear why everyone calls me handsome.

0

A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.

0

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

0

I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.

0

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

I don’t know. He hasn’t opened it yet.

4

i had a dream about the whole ocean was filled with orange soda

turns out it was a fanta sea

0

“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father.

“It means ‘happy’,” replied the father.

“Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?”

“No, son, I have a wife.”

2

Dark humor is like food.

Not everyone gets it.

0

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase.

5

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide, but you can’t run.

1

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? – A stick.

0

Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese. – He wants to make America grate again.

0

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

0

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

3

An old teacher asked her student, “If I say, ‘I am beautiful,’ which tense is that?” The student replied, “It is obviously past.”

0
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