Worst Jokes Ever
I was tickling my son’s feet yesterday, and my wife said, "Wait until he’s born."
What're the only things that never come out of a Chi Phi frat house?
A virgin and unsnorted ketamine.
Students across America have been spotted playing a parody of the horror game Five Nights at Freddy’s called “7 Hours at Chi Phi”.
I hear Cornell produces very dedicated farmers; they’ll plow a field all night long no matter how much resistance she gives ’em.
What do a track meet and a frat house have in common?
They both have something getting ran through by eight men while it just sits there.
What’s the difference between Jane Doe and a roller coaster?
You can ride both on Ketamine, but only one will get you on the news.
TODAY'S BRAIN CELL COUNT:
2, and both are competing for 5th place.
I hear scientists have been experimenting with a new diet at Cornell University: just straight meat for 7 hours a night, all night long, with a side of alcohol to keep the shop open.
I'd rather kiss a cactus than kiss you. Wanna know why?
Because at least I'd feel something with the cactus than I ever could with you.
You're so ugly that you make Caitlyn Jenner cry.
11:45 - Arrived at crime scene.
11:45 - Examined body. Signs of struggle.
11:45 - Found murder weapon in drain.
11:45 - Realized watch was broken.
Why did I get a divorce, you ask? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't get me a present and didn't even wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my co-workers didn't wish me a happy birthday.
As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" That moment, I felt so special. She then asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?"
"Okay," I said.
She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, and my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
Child: Dad, I want you to say "I'm a Man" after everything I say!
Dad: Uh, okay?
Child: My wife cheated on me.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: So I went to the bar.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: I met a hot girl.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: So I brought her home.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: After sleeping together, she woke up, faced me and said...
Dad: I'm a man.
There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
Why did Hitler kill himself?
So he didn't have to pay the gas bills.
What is the difference between a black pilot and Charlie Kirk?
The black pilot is still alive.
Why should you lose your virginity to an autistic person?
Because virginity needs to be lost with someone special.
How do you stop a gang of black men from raping a white girl?
Throw them a basketball.
(Teacher): "What's one sport you want to do, but you're not good at?"
(Me): "Suicide."
What do me, emos, and Monster cans have in common?
A barcode.