Worst Jokes Ever
Why couldn't the kid play on his laptop?
Because he has no arms and no laptop and no legs and no head and no home and no money and got shot.
Why couldn't the teacher let her kids out?
Because she has no arms to open the door.
Why couldn't the farmer tend to the crops?
Because he's got no arms.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Grandma.
Grandma who?
I didn't know you could yodel!
What’s the craziest thing Kurt Cobain released?
The safety.
Why did Sally stay in school?
Because she has no arms, she can’t open the door, and the teacher left!
What kind of fruit can fix your toilet?
A plum-mer.
What is a snake’s favourite subject?
Hiss-tory!
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn't peeling well.
What’s another name for a woman giving birth?
Unloading the dishwasher.
What is the difference between a prostitute and a wife?
A prostitute will fulfill your needs with your money; a wife will fulfill her needs with your money.
Teacher: "What's your name?"
Student: "Hang on a second."
10 seconds later:
Teacher: "Is something wrong?"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
20 seconds later:
Teacher: "Don't say a word!!!"
Student: "Hang on a second!!!"
Teacher: "Come here and tell me your name right now!!!"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
Teacher: "Don't call for help!!!"
Student: "Just listen to me!"
Teacher: "Go on, speak!"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
Teacher: "Don't push my patience; this is no joke!!! Tell me your name right now!"
Student: "Hang on a second!!!"
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights, especially the right to remain silent, because all appliances should be silent.
What do sped gymnasts wear?
A Reotard.
Why is it so hard to play hide-and-seek in an orphanage?
Because nobody is looking for them.
I love vegans because they save more meat for us.
What is the difference between gross and kinky according to a Canadian?
Using a toothpick to remove human feces between your teeth after licking another person's ass is gross, but performing a blowjob on a man who is well-endowed while he is eating a tuna fish sandwich, with maple syrup instead of mayonnaise, is kinky.
Why do white people get abducted by aliens?
Because they're easier to see in the dark.
What kind of beer is an orphan's favorite?
Foster's!
Why did the terrorist cross the road?
To get to the airport!