My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.

i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.

My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

“I’m not sure why my girlfriend’s father doesn’t like me.”

“What was your first impression on him?”

“I told him, she calls me daddy too.”

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are… But I laugh more.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair

Guess who came crawling back

Only one of Kenny’s girlfriends has ever said he’s good in bed. But she has to. She’s his mom.

If depression is going to be my girlfriend. Will she leave me?

My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom

Girlfriend: am I pretty or ugly?

Boyfriend: your both!

Girlfriend: what do you mean by that?

Boyfriend: your pretty ugly!!!

I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! we’re just uh, making cake” and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! were making cake!” So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! Howd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile but what does she know, She’s 7

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.