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My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod

I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his ass.

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.

I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! we’re just uh, making cake” and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! were making cake!” So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! Howd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.

My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset

My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are… But I laugh more.

What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.

So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”

My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom

When my girlfriend broke up with me I took her wheelchair. I always knew she would come crawling back

My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile but what does she know, She’s 7