Girlfriend Jokes


My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair

Guess who came crawling back

in Marriage

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.


Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i'm stuck here holding my rod

in Abuse

one time i broke up with my roblox girlfriend by sending her a message, 30 seconds later i heard my uncle crying in the next room


The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”


My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

in Marriage

I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset


My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”


I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.


A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.

My name, my address and my phone number.


"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."

"What was your first impression on him?"

"I told him, she calls me daddy too."

Emotionless husk

I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.


Your at your girlfriends house for a family dinner. Your GF says, " Daddy please pass me the salt." when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.

dishonorable discharge sniper

I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man do I love being a sniper.


I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.


My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

Tanner Pomeranz
in Football

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.

They had great seats right behind their teams bench.

After the game the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.

“Oh, I really liked it!” she replied, “Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?”

She said, “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!”


I asked my girlfriend if he wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran


How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

in Depression

If depression is going to be my girlfriend. Will she leave me?