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Wife

Anonymous

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

Fish

NibbaF..got69

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod

God

Anonymous

My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Guess

Anonymous

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair

Guess who came crawling back

Ex

Anonymous

I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

Die

Person

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

Wife

Anonymous

I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset

Daddy

Anonymous

“I’m not sure why my girlfriend’s father doesn’t like me.”

“What was your first impression on him?”

“I told him, she calls me daddy too.”

Crawl

Anonymous

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.

Friend

Tanner

The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”

Laugh

Anonymous

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are… But I laugh more.

Means

Tanner Pomeranz

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.

They had great seats right behind their teams bench.

After the game the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.

“Oh, I really liked it!” she replied, “Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?”

She said, “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!”

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People

Anonymous

I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

German

Anonymous

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.

Time

Anonymous

one time i broke up with my roblox girlfriend by sending her a message, 30 seconds later i heard my uncle crying in the next room

Dad

Anonymous

i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

Shotgun

Emotionless husk

I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.

Wait

Anonymous

My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom

High

Anonymous

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

Little Johnny

Ayyyyyy

Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! we’re just uh, making cake” and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! were making cake!” So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! Howd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.

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