My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

“I’m not sure why my girlfriend’s father doesn’t like me.”

“What was your first impression on him?”

“I told him, she calls me daddy too.”

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.

I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod

My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair

Guess who came crawling back

My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are… But I laugh more.

i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

Only one of Kenny’s girlfriends has ever said he’s good in bed. But she has to. She’s his mom.

If depression is going to be my girlfriend. Will she leave me?

Why are we depressed, is it because that bully in your school, or that you have acne, how about when you listen to you sad song playlist, maybe cause you have no friends, Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake. T^T

I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend

I asked my girlfriend if he wanted to join my family tree… She dropped the rope and ran

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.

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