Girlfriend

Girlfriend Jokes

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.

one time i broke up with my roblox girlfriend by sending her a message, 30 seconds later i heard my uncle crying in the next room

The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

That's the best I've done so far.

My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

2

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply "Nothing, nothing! we're just uh, making cake" and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells "Get out! were making cake!" So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!" and she replies "OMG! Howd you know!?!?" and Johnny replies "Because, I licked the icing off the couch" ayyyyyy.

Your at your girlfriends house for a family dinner. Your GF says, " Daddy please pass me the salt." when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.

"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."

"What was your first impression on him?"

"I told him, she calls me daddy too."

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.

They had great seats right behind their teams bench.

After the game the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.

“Oh, I really liked it!” she replied, “Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?”

She said, “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!”

I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

2