Comeback

Comeback Jokes

Husband

My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said, "You better come back with a goddamn sandwich!"

Mother

Roses are red, Violets are blue... I fucked your mother's ass, and she had you.

Mum

What does your mum and Istanbul have in common?

They are all insane comebacks!!!

Sandwich

Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?

Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?

Toy

I like playing with Yoyos, because at least they always come back.

Adoption

A brother and a sister always got into fights. One day the brother tells the sister, "You're adopted!" The sister yells back, "At least they wanted me!"

Dick

Bully: "I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the shower you can't even see it."

Guy: "No, I see your sister's head."

Mom

Bully: "Nobody loves you."

Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."

Woman

An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.

The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"

The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."

Friend

My friend: "Yo, stupid."

Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?"

My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever."

Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."

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  • Virgin

    Bully: Hey virgin!

    Victim: I'm not a virgin, just ask your sister.

    Bully: I don't have a sister, dumbass.

    Victim: Just wait nine months.

    Adoption

    When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

    Dick

    Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.

    Guy: I don't, I see your mom.

    White House

    Trump says to Obama, "You know it’s the White House, not the black house, right?" And Obama says, "Yeah, but it isn’t the orange house either."

    Teeth

    Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."

    Orphan

    What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?

    Kill their parents.

    Student

    Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."

    The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"

    Man

    There is a young man smoking and a woman in a wheelchair. The woman says, "Why is a young man like you smoking?" The man turns around and says, "Why the fuck are you wearing trainers?"

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