Dark Humor

Dark Humor

Blood Type

My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.

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  • Wheelchair

    I broke up with my girlfriend, so I stole her wheelchair, and guess who came crawling back.

    Murder

    Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"

    Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."

    Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."

    Guy: "About that..."

    Parent

    When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.

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  • Morbid humor

    What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."

    Life Support

    My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “We'll see about that.” Then I unplugged his life support.

    Murder

    They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

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  • Kid

    Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"

    Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."

    Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."

    Dad: "Exactly, son."

    Child

    My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"

    Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."

    Acne

    How do you know your acne is getting out of hand? The blind start reading your face.

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  • American

    Why are so many Americans stupid? Because they shoot the ones that go to school.

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  • Basement

    What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?

    Little kids leave preschool.

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  • Cancer

    Doctor: "What's your zodiac sign?"

    Patient: "Cancer?"

    Doctor: "What a coincidence."

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  • Orphan

    Dark humor jokes about orphans are funny because no parents are gonna be told.

    Epilepsy

    How did the dude with epilepsy win the break dancing competition?

    He saw flashing lights.

    Family

    My family is like treasure. You need a shovel and a map to find them.

    Fat Man

    Why are people in Japan always skinny?

    Because last time there was a "Fat Man", a whole city disappeared.