My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
I broke up with my girlfriend, so I stole her wheelchair, and guess who came crawling back.
When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I ́m still choosing." She looked horrified.
Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"
Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."
Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."
Guy: "About that..."
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."
My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “We'll see about that." Then I unplugged his life support.
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
I kicked a soccer ball at the kid in the wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"
Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."
Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."
Dad: "Exactly, son."
How do you know your acne is getting out of hand? The blind start reading your face.
What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?
Little kids leave preschool.
My family is like treasure. You need a shovel and a map to find them.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels."
Why are so many Americans stupid? Cause they shoot the ones that go to school
I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.
Doctor: "What's your zodiac sign?"
Patient: "Cancer?"
Doctor: "What a coincidence."
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso expresso
Jk Its bleach
Dark humor jokes about orphans are funny bc no parents are gonna be told
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have it's perks.... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
