Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
Hitler walks into a bar in hell, the bar tender asks “why are you here? Hitler calmly reply’s.” I killed 8 million Jews and 3 clowns.” The bar tender says “why 3 clowns?” Hitler laughs before answering “see knowone cares about the Jews! Why am I here!”
A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, “Can I touch it?”. The little boy looks back at her and says, “Hell no, you already broke yours off!”.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, “When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah.”
The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to Hell?”
The little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”
A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?
Woman one: I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell! Woman two: Did that work? Woman one: Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house.
So I was f**g this bh right, and I thought I had aides. So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get aides. Now what I’m wondering is where the hell does an eight year old get aides?! I guess my sister needs new friends…
In heaven responsible for the joke is the English man for food the Italian man and for the law and order a German man… In hell responsible for food is the English man for order and law the Italian man and for jokes the German man
My friend:What are you doing Me:I´m making holy water My friend:How? Me:I´m boiling the hell out of it.
This guy is boiling water the girl walks in and says “What are you doing” the guy says “I’m making Holy Water” She said “How?” He said “I’m boiling the hell out of it”
A guy goes in to get some tests done, the doctor comes out and says “I got good news and bad news.” The guy says “Ok, let’s get the bad news out of the way.” The doctor says “The tests cam back positive, you got 2 weeks to live.” The guy says, “Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?” Doctor says “You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I’m screwin her.”