Girl

Cleverbot

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, “When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah.”

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to Hell?”

The little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”

Depression

Anonymous 1

What does my head and hell have in common? They both have demons in them

Harding

Anonymous

It ain’t always easy having erectile dysfunction but it sure as hell ain’t hard

Man

Anonymous

A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?

Blue

p....

Roses are red, violets are blue, You think violets are blue, what the hell is wrong with you.

Girl

You Wouldn't Care Anyway

A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, “Can I touch it?”. The little boy looks back at her and says, “Hell no, you already broke yours off!”.

Mum

Alwaysfunny14

The teacher asked,"why are you in school on a saturday?" I told her my mum told me to go to hell.

Man

The Man

(A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing)

Man: Ah… suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump? Lady: Yep. I hate this world. Man: Well, if your gonna die, can we have sex before you jump? Lady: Hell no! You creep! Man: Ok, fine. I guess I’ll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore…

Priest

Person

Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

Heaven

Anonymous

Why is Steven Hawkins going to hell… because its a stairway to heaven not a ramp!

America

Anonymous

3 people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: “Local calls are free”.

Favorite

Anonymous

What is Steven hawkins favorite song? Highway To hell

Water

Anonymous

How do you make holy water?

You take normal water, and boil the hell out of it.

Sister

Anonymous

So I was f**g this bh right, and I thought I had aides. So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get aides. Now what I’m wondering is where the hell does an eight year old get aides?! I guess my sister needs new friends…

Woman

Big Boss Tom

Woman one: I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell! Woman two: Did that work? Woman one: Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house.

Puns

Anonymous

Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

German

GayStinky

Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons. American: I won’t ever see my dog again! Italian: I won’t ever make pizzas again! German: Hey, granddad, how have you been?

Stairs

Roy

Why is Steven hawking going to hell not heaven? Because it’s a stair way to heaven not a ramp.

Wait

Anonymous

IDK if this is a joke or a question but If killing yourself send you to hell where does siting in the waiting room get you?

Cold

Anonymous

Hell in Greek Times was known as cold and misty… so now just look at Seattle.

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