Nun Jokes

Restaurant

cynthia
·

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf." "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. ! She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?" "No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.

Now, how about that drink?"

Religion

Anonymous
·

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile.

9

Priest

Anonymous
·

3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, "u would never believe what i discovered." intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. "oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with," i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "oh sh*t...."

9

Woman

Anonymous
·

What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bath tub? One's got hope in her soul, the others got soap in her hole.

3

Riddles

Autobot Blaster
·

What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs. What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!

9

Religion

Anonymous
·

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin' Catholic.

1

Jesus

Anonymous
·

What is the difference between a Catholic priest and Acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

Priest

Anonymous
·

How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.

Priest

The_Hagseed
·

One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?", the priest asks. "Christian kittens", the little girl answers. Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way. A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box", he says, "It's the cutest thing!" The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens", she says. The priest rushes forward and says "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were "Christian kittens!!!" "They were", she says. "Now their eyes are open".

4

Priest

fatass phil
·

what type of meat do priests eat on good friday? Nun

Prostitution

TrailerRick
·

In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?

They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.

4

Bus

Macaroni
·

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.

"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."

The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.

"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.

"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"

"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"

Bartender

·

A guy runs into a bar, and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”

The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”

The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”

Puns

Anonymous
·

Why do nuns walk in groups?. So one “ nun” can keep an eye on the other “ nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting “ nun”.

Wait

Deepika Dhananjaya
·

Who is the only person time waits for? Nun.

Religion

Anonymous
·

What's the most fun a monk can have?

Nun.

1

Virgin

Anonymous
·

My sisters ask me "Are you really a virgin?" I say "That's nun of your business"

1

Bar

Anonymous
·

A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it and she replied, "Its a bad habit"

5

Business

Josephi krackouski
·

What do you call a private nun.

Nun-o-yo-business

1

Stairs

heck
·

Whats black, white, and red all over? A nun that fell down the stairs. What's black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her.

1