Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn’t real Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk
What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a plastic bag
One’s made of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other carries groceries
Teacher:Kids what does a chicken give you
Teacher: Very good now what does the pig give you
Teacher: Excellent now what does the fat cow give you
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied:
“Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!”
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves… just kidding he hasn’t opened it yet
Two kids were beating up a kid in an ally, so I stepped into help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
Kid: but mom I don’t want to see grandma Mom: shut up and keep digging
Kids in the backseat make accidents and accidents in the back seat make kids.
Three guys are on a plane one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American, and the Pilot says “There is to much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off.” So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said , “I have plenty of these where I come from,” the the Asian threw out some rice and said “I have plenty of these in my country,” The American threw out a bomb and said, “I have a lot of these in my country.” The plane crashes anyway and the three men start to walk away from the crash, as they were walking the found a boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of Buritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy,” The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of rice fell out of the sky and sherded all my clothes.” The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble, they kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny the boy said, “MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!”
Kid: “I wish I could be like Batman!”
Genie: “Wish granted!”
When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.
I’m funny but sad I submit jokes you’ll love. Look for my name in jokes you’ve read. Anyway.
What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding he didn’t have the chance to open the gifts.
I’m going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I’m a piñata
Me walking in to the office:
Principle: tell me what u did? Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was a end portal…
When the school shooter leaves your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
Teacher: Kids what are something you have that make you happy? Kid 1: I have my family to make me happy. Kid 2: I have my friend to make me happy. Teacher: What about you Sean? Sean: I have to take pills to make me happy…
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset
what happens when a emo kid loses a kahoot he gets a 25 kill streak
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read “its a bumpy road but soon u will have a straight path.” People didnt realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags I asked if he was an orphan he said “Yeah what gave me away” I said his parents
there’s three kids: little drop, little feather, and little brick. Little feather goes “mommy why do u call me l’feather”? She answers “cuz a little feather fell over your head when u were born”. L’drop asks to his mom “mommy why do u call be l’drop”? She answers “cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born”. L’brick goes " aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn"