A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licked his cone and replied:

“Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!”

Two kids were beating up a kid in an ally, so I stepped into help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

I’m funny but sad I submit jokes you’ll love. Look for my name in jokes you’ve read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding he didn’t have the chance to open the gifts.

Kids in the backseat make accidents and accidents in the back seat make kids.

Teacher: Kids what are something you have that make you happy? Kid 1: I have my family to make me happy. Kid 2: I have my friend to make me happy. Teacher: What about you Sean? Sean: I have to take pills to make me happy…

Kid: but mom I don’t want to see grandma Mom: shut up and keep digging

What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a plastic bag

One’s made of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other carries groceries

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read “its a bumpy road but soon u will have a straight path.” People didnt realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

I always hated being born a catholic as a kid, the way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church, I was always thinking “for God’s sake just pick a position and f... me”

Kid: “I wish I could be like Batman!”

Genie: “Wish granted!”

When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.

Why does everyone at school make fun of the cripples kid. Because he can’t stand up for himself.

My nickname should be night light…because kids turn me on…

So a kid walks in the house and says: " mommy, mommy, I found daddy". And the mother says: " stop digging around in the garden, and let you Father rest in peace.

johnny was watching TV when you hear them say b.... and bastards so he ask hes dad “what is a b.... and bastard.” dad say “a b.... is a female and a bastard is a mail.” then johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say ass and shit so he ask hes dad what shit and ass means dad says “a shit is shaving creme like what i’m putting on my face and ass is a coat why don’t you bug your mom.” so johnny goes back to the TV and then they say f... so johnny ask his mom what f... means mom says "f... means carving like doing to the turkey then a few minutes later Johnny hears a knock on the door so he answers it he then says “welcome b.... and bastard may i tack your ass” the people then ask wear hes parents are johnny says "my dad is putting shit on hes face and my mom i f...ing the turkey.

What do you call a kid who’s been kidnapped?

Well, her name’s Sally, so I guess… Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

Why can’t two Asians make a white kid?

Because two wongs don’t make a white

I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, what’s so sad and she said “What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died”. I replied “probably a bullet”, she gasped and said “do you have any idea how insensitive that is, what do you think is running through their parent’s heads”, I said " probably all the money their losing from this funeral".

What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag? A 9mm

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