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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licked his cone and replied:

“Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!”

Two kids were beating up a kid in an ally, so I stepped into help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

Kids in the backseat make accidents and accidents in the back seat make kids.

Teacher: Kids what are something you have that make you happy? Kid 1: I have my family to make me happy. Kid 2: I have my friend to make me happy. Teacher: What about you Sean? Sean: I have to take pills to make me happy…

Kid: but mom I don’t want to see grandma Mom: shut up and keep digging

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read “its a bumpy road but soon u will have a straight path.” People didnt realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

I always hated being born a catholic as a kid, the way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church, I was always thinking “for God’s sake just pick a position and f... me”

Why does everyone at school make fun of the cripples kid. Because he can’t stand up for himself.

Kid: “I wish I could be like Batman!”

Genie: “Wish granted!”

When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.

Why can’t two Asians make a white kid?

Because two wongs don’t make a white

So a kid walks in the house and says: " mommy, mommy, I found daddy". And the mother says: " stop digging around in the garden, and let you Father rest in peace.

I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, what’s so sad and she said “What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died”. I replied “probably a bullet”, she gasped and said “do you have any idea how insensitive that is, what do you think is running through their parent’s heads”, I said " probably all the money their losing from this funeral".

johnny was watching TV when you hear them say bitch and bastards so he ask hes dad “what is a bitch and bastard.” dad say “a bitch is a female and a bastard is a mail.” then johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say ass and shit so he ask hes dad what shit and ass means dad says “a shit is shaving creme like what i’m putting on my face and ass is a coat why don’t you bug your mom.” so johnny goes back to the TV and then they say f... so johnny ask his mom what f... means mom says "f... means carving like doing to the turkey then a few minutes later Johnny hears a knock on the door so he answers it he then says “welcome bitch and bastard may i tack your ass” the people then ask wear hes parents are johnny says "my dad is putting shit on hes face and my mom i f...ing the turkey.

So I went to my friends funeral today, As we were all leaving a kid put a get well soon card next to my friends grave ‘poor kid’

What do you call a kid who’s been kidnapped?

Well, her name’s Sally, so I guess… Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

I’m funny but sad I submit jokes you’ll love. Look for my name in jokes you’ve read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding he didn’t have the chance to open the gifts.

at class,a kindergartner named jeffrey,was supposed to do a project on which superhero his dad would be.1 kid said,my dad would be superman because he is strong.the teacher congratulated him.another kid showed his project and said,my dad would be batman because he has all of these cool electronics he uses every day.once again the teacher congratulated him on his work.then the last kid jeffrey,showed his project and said,my dad would be spiderman,because he pins me to the ground,and shoots out a sticky white substance.

When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom and you think your in the clear but the Down syndrome kid says “goodbye”