Teacher: Kids what are something you have that make you happy? Kid 1: I have my family to make me happy. Kid 2: I have my friend to make me happy. Teacher: What about you Sean? Sean: I have to take pills to make me happy...
My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearimg them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way it made the funeral a bit awkward.
My family is like a treasure...
You need a map and shovel to find them.
Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson? Cause it's a family company.
Looks like the gene pool in your family is about three inches deep
I’m a family doctor and I wish I could help but... you’re an orphan
My family is like a cactus; a bunch of pricks.
They'll never do reverse cowgirl because you never turn your back on family
There is an upside to being an orphan. Every bag of chips is family size.
What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.
Did you know the letter "F" in orphan stands for family?
A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."
Hey can't wait to meet you! So join the crippiling depression family!!
What do you call an orphan's family reunion? "Me time."
My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is, until my mom took the urn away from me.
Ever heard of the show naked and afraid? thats what i call hide and seek with my uncle.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.
My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
My cousin died last week he needed a blood transfusion but we didnt know his blood type he just kept saying "b positive b positive" but its hard to be positive with him gone
I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
