What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.

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What is the difference between a Catholic priest and Acne? – Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

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I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says. – Which makes me an eighth theist.

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What is Jesus’ favorite band?

Nine Inch Nails.

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Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?

Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.

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How do you get a nun pregnant? – Dress her up as an alter boy.

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Why does Jesus never vacation on earth?, because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick and their still talking about it

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What’s the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.

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What is Jesus’ favorite gun?

A nail gun.

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Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains so Mohammed said my faith can move sky scrapers

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I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.

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How did Jesus like his chicken?

Crucifried

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Jesus walks in to a motel throws 3 nails on the counter and says can you put me up for a night

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When I was little I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike, I learned one week in Sunday school that that’s not how it works, so instead i just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

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Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.

Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there’s only… 13 of you?" Jesus: “Yeah, we’re all going to sit on the same side.”

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of course Jesus wasn’t a virgin! he obviously liked being nailed!

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What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

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How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.

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Why can’t Jesus eat M&Ms? - Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.

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Why doesn’t Jesus buy beer?

Hebrews.

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What is Jesus’ favorite band?

Nine Inch Nails.

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What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?

“Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now.”

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