What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.

Jesus fed 5,000 men but Hitler made 6,000,000 jews toast.

What is the difference between a Catholic priest and Acne? – Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains so Mohammed said my faith can move sky scrapers

Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, “Hey, Don’t finish yourself until I get back.” After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. “Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!” Gary turns to him and says, “I didn’t, I farted.”

How do you get a nun pregnant? – Dress her up as an alter boy.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.

What does the dairy products praise? Cheeseus

Jesus walks in to a motel throws 3 nails on the counter and says can you put me up for a night

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.

I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says. – Which makes me an eighth theist.

Jesus could walk on water and Chuck Norris can swim through land

How did Jesus like his chicken?


How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.

How does Jesus whistle? Through the hole in his hand.

What is Jesus’ favorite band?

Nine Inch Nails.

Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?

Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.

When I was little I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike, I learned one week in Sunday school that that’s not how it works, so instead i just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.

Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there’s only… 13 of you?" Jesus: “Yeah, we’re all going to sit on the same side.”

Why does Jesus never vacation on earth?, because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick and their still talking about it

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