Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.

“Correct,” says the teacher.

The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.

“Correct again,” says the teacher.

The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”

Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”

What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.

What is the difference between a Catholic priest and Acne? – Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, “Hey, Don’t finish yourself until I get back.” After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. “Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!” Gary turns to him and says, “I didn’t, I farted.”

Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains so Mohammed said my faith can move sky scrapers

What’s the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.

Jesus walks in to a motel throws 3 nails on the counter and says can you put me up for a night

When I was little I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike, I learned one week in Sunday school that that’s not how it works, so instead i just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.

How do you get a nun pregnant? – Dress her up as an alter boy.

Jesus could walk on water and Chuck Norris can swim through land

How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.

What does the dairy products praise? Cheeseus

What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says. – Which makes me an eighth theist.

How did Jesus like his chicken?

Crucifried

Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?

Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.

Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.

Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there’s only… 13 of you?" Jesus: “Yeah, we’re all going to sit on the same side.”

Why does Jesus never vacation on earth?, because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick and their still talking about it

Why doesn’t Jesus buy beer?

Hebrews.