What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and Acne? – Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, “Hey, Don’t finish yourself until I get back.” After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. “Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!” Gary turns to him and says, “I didn’t, I farted.”
What’s the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
When I was little I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike, I learned one week in Sunday school that that’s not how it works, so instead i just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there’s only… 13 of you?" Jesus: “Yeah, we’re all going to sit on the same side.”
Why does Jesus never vacation on earth?, because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick and their still talking about it