Why are transgender people like confused kids? Because they both don't know what they want to be in life.
Shower thoughts
@showerthoughts
When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.
Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
What's a depressed person's least favorite type of cereal?
LIFE.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By bumping into each other to see who falls over first.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By seeing who can eat the most at a buffet.
What's something you can say about your clothes but not your partner?
It's just a rental.
What’s something you can say about your clothes but not your partner?
It’s just a rental.
Do you think midgets start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"?
How come you never see a broke midget?
Because he’s living in the broke man’s boots.
Autistic kids are like cats. Prove me wrong.
Down syndrome people are like dogs.
Prove me wrong.
What’s a gay man’s favorite cereal?
Froot Loops
Why did they invent white chocolate?
So Black people can be messy too.
What do peanut butter and a prostitute's legs have in common?
They’re both easy to spread.
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? Well hung.
What’s the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
What kind of paper towel do they use in special education classrooms?
Downey.
What do teenage girls and happy meals have in common?
They both come with a toy.