Sexuality jokes

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.

Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

1+1=3

If you don't use a condom.

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.

The sexual shout "Yes Daddy" probably originated in Alabama.

If a midget walks up to you and tells you your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

A. Ask your mother.

What did Stephen Hawking say—I mean, type—when he saw a beautiful woman?

"That's the best shag I never had."

How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?

She unlocks the handcuffs.

Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?

He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.

I bought a rainbow gun, but for some reason it doesn’t shoot straight.

Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."

My favorite sex position is ‘WOW.’ It's where I flip your mom upside down.

What is the difference between a microwave and a gay guy?

A microwave doesn’t brown your meat.

Did you hear about the gay choirboy?

He choked on his first hymn.

Why do Republican men hate transgender people?

Because they lost a dick-measuring contest to a ladyboy in Thailand!

My husband told me he just came into a lot of money.

Weird, he usually uses a sock.

I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."

Daniel takes his frustrations out on Shaenaya and his sexual frustrations out on Arunima.

Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sister, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughters. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.

What do you call people who have an Oedipus complex?

Motherfuckers.