How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
The weird moaning sounds when you try to slide in the back door.
Followed by slipping in Kentucky (KY) Jelly.
Followed by landing in deep shit.
Followed by being totally covered in sea men.
Jagged Zonkey
@jaggedzonkey
Yo mamma is so slutty, she uses a submarine as a dildo because it's long, hard, and filled with seamen.
What's the difference between ICE and ISIS?
One of them says their prayers five times a day.
"Thank you for letting me borrow your wife."
*darned autocorrect*
"Thank you for letting me borrow your wi-fi"
What does a Foreigner say when he comes to America?
"You're as cold as I.C.E. You're willing to sacrifice brown lives..."
I told my lesbian friends, "I wanna watch," so they bought me a Timex®.
It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
What's the worst thing to say at a live birth?
"Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
Every one is talking about glory holes, so I decided to look into one.
I was doing renovations on a house and found a wall with a glory hole. I was going to remodel it, but it's load bearing. I asked a gay carpenter how to fix this, and he advised that I check out the studs first to make sure they were uncut.
Eventually, I gave up and just put my nuts through the hole. Now they're walnuts.
How do you make a blow job OSHA compliant? You add a railing!
What's the first rule of Wank Club?
Don't shake hands with anyone else in Wank Club.
What is the epitome of being quick on the draw?
Coming both first and last in the same round of "soggy biscuit".
Isn't Barbie supposed to come with Ken?
Barbie comes with G.I. Joe. She fakes it with Ken.
Why do people use terms like "sucky" to mean that they don't like something?
If something "sucks," shouldn't that signify that it is at least good for one thing and will bring pleasure?
I want to be a pornstar. Even if I completely suck, they will still give me a firm raise.
What is the difference between a man peering through the keyhole and a woman in the bath?
One is rude and nosy; the other is nude and Rosy.
I tried phone sex once, lost my bits to a stray "call waiting" beep. Very painful. Never again.
According to the Police report, what did one traffic signal say to the other?
"Roxanne, you don't have to put on the red light..."
How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
About one third less than for a regular bulb.
How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They wait for it to turn itself in.
Tiger Woods is a lion cheetah. He took a wife and seventeen mistresses because he just had to play all eighteen holes.