Cremation jokes
Cremation,
The last chance for a smoking hot body.
Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.
Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.
Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!
Cremation is my only hope for a hot, smoking body.
I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.
What do you say to someone being cremated? You urned it!
Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!
All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.
What is the difference between cremation and smoking?
While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.
Setting: Funeral Home
Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.
Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.
Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?
Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.
Customer: Okay?
Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.
By: MiniMemorials.com
Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?
My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is, until my mom took the urn away from me.
What is sprinkled around the Pokémon floor? Oh right. Ash's ashes.
Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?
To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.
I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?
Cremation.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?
They get a discount at the crematorium.
I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?
A father tells his 10-year-old son...
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life."
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186, leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great-grandchildren, and a 7-foot crater where the crematory used to be.