Cremation

Cremation Jokes

Popcorn

Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.

Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.

Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!

Game Night

Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!

All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.

Smoking

What is the difference between cremation and smoking?

While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.

Funeral Home

Setting: Funeral Home

Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.

Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.

Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?

Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.

Customer: Okay?

Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.

By: MiniMemorials.com

Meat

Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?

Childhood

My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is, until my mom took the urn away from me.

Necrophiliac

Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.

Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.

Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.

Funeral

I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.

Secret

Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?

Cremation.

Guy

I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?

Crematorium

What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?

They get a discount at the crematorium.

Popcorn

I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.

Uncle

When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.

His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.

Cannibal

Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?

Lego

What did they do with his body when he died?

They made him into Lego so kids can play with him for once.