Wank jokes

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Yo mum." "Yo mum who?" "Yo mum is watching you wank right now."

When I was 14, my mum caught me wanking, and she slapped me across the face. A couple weeks later, my dad caught me having a beer, and he made me drink 40 beers. I just thought, "Well, I'm glad he didn't catch me wanking."

What's fat and wanks over his mom?

Guy Sheppard.

What's the first rule of Wank Club?

Don't shake hands with anyone else in Wank Club.

What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg.

Kids are cute, not even joking. Wanking is easy around them.

My son was thrown out of school for letting a schoolgirl wank him off.

"That's the third school this year..." I said to my son, "... Maybe teaching isn't for you."

I wank over Rose Watson.

Look at your left hand, now look at your right hand, and tell yourself, "Which hand do you cheat with?"

Wanking.

What should people do with their floppy dicks?

I give them a good wiggle waggle to raise awareness of something!

Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce. Now suck that cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock. Now suck that cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock!

Willy bum.

What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.

What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?

Nothing, he just started wanking.