Deaf jokes

"What do we want?"

"HEARING AIDS!"

"When do we want them?"

"HEARING AIDS!"

When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.

Why did Johnny not like the audiobook he got for his birthday?

Johnny was deaf.

Best way to stop a fight between deaf people?

Just turn off the lights.

I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.

A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.

To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

Once there was a girl named Sally! She had no arms or legs, was mute, deaf, and blind.

Knock knock Who’s there? Not Sally.

If a deaf person is at court, then is it still called a hearing?

How do you get two deaf people from fighting?

Turn off the lights and walk out.

What do a gynecologist and deaf people have in common? They both read lips.

You can say what you want about deaf people...

Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she. Did you see that one coming? Neither did she.

(She's blind and deaf)

I told my deaf mom to be nice to the neighbors. She didn't listen...

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

A hand job from a deaf person counts as oral.

I read to deaf kids in my spare time.

If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?

What did the deaf man say to the blind man before he fell into the well?

Nothing.

What games would deaf people not be good at?

Simon says and Musical chairs.