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“What do we want?”


“When do we want them?”


Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?


My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.

Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?

It’s OK he didn’t either!

What did the deaf man say to the blind man before he fell into the well?


Why did Johnny not like the audiobook he got for his birthday?

Johnny was deaf.

A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1 foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says “man, how’d you get such a short piano player.” The bartender says in response” there’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says “what just happened” the bartender replies “the genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12 inch pianist?”

When deaf people people see someone yawning do they think their screaming

I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.

Deaf peoples shux lots dix. They cant haer!

what do you call a ear thats dead deaf hahaha oh wait…

What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?

Answer: cancer

Kid -dad I want santa to give me iphone Indian poor dad- son santa is deaf Kid-no he is not I saw him on Tv yesterday Indian poor dad-oh actually I asked him to for a new wife may be he is wearing AirPods Kid-you are my santa daddy Indian poor dad- pull down you pants son Kid-it’s not apple product Indian poor dad -its banana

Hellen Keller once said, ¨love is not something you see or hear, it is something you feel¨ but of course she said it like this ¨fbfebsovbforbw urbwbwvorb¨

What did the blind deaf orphan child get for Christmas?


What do you call a deaf animal? Anything, it can’t hear you.

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf and he worked at a morgue. So one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse. He then came home, and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

I just came up with a really good deaf people joke! The great thing is that they won’t be able to hear!