Deaf jokes
How do you get two deaf people from fighting?
Turn off the lights and walk out.
When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.
Best way to stop a fight between deaf people?
Just turn off the lights.
"What do we want?" "HEARING AIDS!" "When do we want them?" "HEARING AIDS!"
What do a gynecologist and deaf people have in common? They both read lips.
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.
How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.
How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.
What is a deaf person's favorite game?
Charades.
Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she. Did you see that one coming? Neither did she.
(She's blind and deaf)
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
What is the best game for a deaf person?
Charades.
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
Why did Johnny not like the audiobook he got for his birthday?
Johnny was deaf.
I just came up with a really good deaf people joke! The great thing is that they won't be able to hear it!
A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”
I read to deaf kids in my spare time.
If a deaf person is missing fingers, is it a speech impediment or an accent?
I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.
So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.
Did you hear the one about the deaf person?
Me: No.
That's because they can't hear, so they don't talk.
Dear Hearing People,
We, deaf people, ain’t dead. We can use our hands to talk, eat & fist your face to give you some 💡 awareness that we can understand you 💯 meanwhile we laugh at you 🤡 We can even dance via vibration through music.
Do you know the song w lyric like this 👇 *white b.... accent: Ohhh.. MY God BECKY.. L👀k at her butt. IT is SO BIG. *BIG BEAT DROP* I...LIKE...BIG...BUTT...I cannot LIE 👻 I promise we ain’t ghosting around - Brittany Rose.