Baptism Jokes

I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."

What do you call a Mexican Baptism?

Bean Dip.

So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.

Why was baptism invented?

How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?

Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.

My mom said i need Jesus in my life, So I drunk up the holy water ;}.

You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.

why do priests perform baptisms, so they can see children wet

its important to wash your sex toys

thats why priests invented baptism

Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them? I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism

They all call it self baptism I call it failed suicide

You should know its important to wash your sex toys that's why priests invented baptism

Yo Father. Don't use the baptism bath. I cleaned my anul plug in there.

What?

The holy water gets all the ass of. Don't mind the white stuff. *clears throat*

You should always wash your sex toys, thats why priests baptise babies

You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you Jesus for creating baptism.

How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

A 6 year old girl decides to get baptized, she walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her In the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl was drowned and died... later on when the pastor was better and thrown in jail. All he had to say to the mortified family was “well, at least she’s in heaven!”