Baptism jokes

I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."

What do you call a Mexican Baptism?

Bean Dip.

So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.

Why was baptism invented?

How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?

Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.

You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.

That's why priests invented baptism.

My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}

Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.

Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?

I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.

It's important to wash your sex toys.

That's why priests invented baptism.

Where do babies get baptized?

So the priest can wash their sex toys.

They all call it self-baptism. I call it failed suicide.

You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.

The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"

Yo Father, don't use the baptism bath. I cleaned my anal plug in there.

What?

The holy water gets all the ass off. Don't mind the white stuff. *clears throat*

You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.

You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you, Jesus, for creating baptism.

How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

Yo mama so fat, she had to get baptized at SeaWorld!

Yo mama so fat, she had to get baptized in the ocean.