To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide, but you can’t run.

Im doing a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. Its called spastics on elastics

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to? – The computer runs.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile.

“What do we want?”


“When do we want them?”


Why can’t blind people eat fish?

Because it’s sea food.

What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed?


What do you call a disabled Asian?

Sum Ting Wong

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.

I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. “What happened to your face?” I asked.

“I’m a Paralympian,” he replied.


“No, … hurdles.”

In my spare time I help blind children. – I mean the verb, not the adjective.

What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? – Steven Hawking after a house fire.

I can’t stand being in a wheelchair.

Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? – He doesn’t stand for anything.

What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?

A baked potato.

A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!

What do you do with epileptic lettuce? – You make a seizure salad.

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

What is black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.