“What do we want?”

“HEARING AIDS!”

“When do we want them?”

“HEARING AIDS!”

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide, but you can’t run.

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase.

Im doing a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. Its called spastics on elastics

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

I don’t know. He hasn’t opened it yet.

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile.

Why can’t blind people eat fish?

Because it’s sea food.

Where can you find some of the world’s largest vegetables? – In an American nursing home.

I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. “What happened to your face?” I asked.

“I’m a Paralympian,” he replied.

“Boxing?”

“No, … hurdles.”

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to? – The computer runs.

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? – Meals on wheels.

What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.

What do you call a disabled Asian?

Sum Ting Wong

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.

What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed?

Nothing.

Why did the blind man fall down the well?

He couldn’t see that well.

The teacher asked her class to use definitely in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. “The sky is definitely blue.” “Very good Kevin,but the sky can also be blue or black.” the teacher replied. Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him. And picked Annie from the back of the room. “The grass is definitely green.” “Very good Annie, but it can also be brown.” Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally she called on him. “Mines more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?” “Why no Johnny why would you ask such a question?” She questioned. “Well if they don’t have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself.”

Why has Stephen hawking’s stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector