Disabled jokes
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
I'm doing a charity bungee jump for the local disabled.
It's called "spastics on elastics."
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!
Mom: Exactly.
How do parents punish their blind kids?
They re-arrange the furniture.
I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.
Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
Why can't blind people eat fish? Because it's sea food.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- You make a seizure salad.
What do you call a disabled kid with a gun?
Special forces.
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? -- He doesn't stand for anything.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?
His shoulder.
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.