“What do we want?”

“HEARING AIDS!”

“When do we want them?”

“HEARING AIDS!”

Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same. The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr Independent and isists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair’s getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide, but you can’t run.

Im doing a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. Its called spastics on elastics

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase.

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

I don’t know. He hasn’t opened it yet.

Where can you find some of the world’s largest vegetables? – In an American nursing home.

Don’t let an extra chromosome get you down!

What do you call a disabled Asian?

Sum Ting Wong

I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! after all, they can’t even stand up for themselves

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to? – The computer runs.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile.

What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.

Why has Stephen hawking’s stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector

What do you call disabled people that follow politics?

A special interest group.

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? – Meals on wheels.

I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. “What happened to your face?” I asked.

“I’m a Paralympian,” he replied.

“Boxing?”

“No, … hurdles.”

The teacher asked her class to use definitely in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. “The sky is definitely blue.” “Very good Kevin,but the sky can also be blue or black.” the teacher replied. Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him. And picked Annie from the back of the room. “The grass is definitely green.” “Very good Annie, but it can also be brown.” Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally she called on him. “Mines more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?” “Why no Johnny why would you ask such a question?” She questioned. “Well if they don’t have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself.”