Soda

I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

Car

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

Job Interview

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

Coconut

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.

Balance

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Waiter

If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?

Guardian

If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?

Whistle

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wouldn't whistle, so I bought a steel whistle. But it still wouldn't whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it still wouldn't lead me to whistle.

Night

Last night, I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!

Dog

I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."

Prison

Some people think "prison" is one word, but to robbers, it's a whole sentence.

Invisibility

"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."

"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."

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  • Factory

    I've just been fired from the clock-making factory after all those extra hours I put in.

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