Sadness

Dank puns
·

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

Softness

Monarchia
·

I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

Bank

Anonymous
·

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Bagel

Me
·

My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry

So I threw a coconut at her

Confucius

Anonymous
·

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

Match

Anonymous
·

I Googled "How to start a Wildfire". I got 48,500 matches.

Man

Anonymous
·

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man." I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

Guard

Kat
·

If i'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a... guardian of the galaxy?

Restaurant

Leeluvsdoodless
·

If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?

Wonder

SweatyMemez
·

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

Steel

Anonymous
·

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. so I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle.

Mile

puppy
·

I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday

Kidnapping

NotAPun
·

There was a kidnapping at school...

Don´t worry, he woke up.

2

Food

Anonymous
·

I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.

Fire

Anonymous
·

I've just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.

3

Eating

Colebot
·

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

Circle

Anonymous
·

You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll

Doctor

Anonymous
·

I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.

Train

Anonymous
·

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”

I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”

9

Cut

Anonymous
·

There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.