Sadness

Dank puns

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

Soda

Monarchia

I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

6

Bank

Anonymous

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Bagel

Me

My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry

So I threw a coconut at her

Match

Anonymous

I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.

Confucius

Anonymous

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

Night

Kat

If i’m the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a… guardian of the galaxy?

Restaurant

Leeluvsdoodless

If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?

Man

Anonymous

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

Lead

Anonymous

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. so I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle.

Name

puppy

I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday

Hit

SweatyMemez

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

Fire

Anonymous

I’ve just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.

1

Time

Colebot

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

Night

Anonymous

I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.

Kidnapping

NotAPun

There was a kidnapping at school…

Don´t worry, he woke up.

0

Roll

Anonymous

You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll

Dream

A random skeleton

Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!

Game

video games

My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. what a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

Magic

Anonymous

a mexican was doing a magic trick he said “uno, dos,” then disappeared without a trace