Head

Monarchia

I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

Sadness

Dank puns

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

Sister

Me

My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry

So I threw a coconut at her

Bank

Anonymous

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Match

Anonymous

I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.

Night

Kat

If i’m the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a… guardian of the galaxy?

Man

Anonymous

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

Orange

A random skeleton

Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!

Man

Anonymous

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

Light

Anonymous

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Hit

SweatyMemez

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

Lead

Anonymous

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. so I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle.

Name

puppy

I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday

Fire

Anonymous

I’ve just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.

Restaurant

Leeluvsdoodless

If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?

Time

Colebot

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

Die

Anonymous

I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.

Game

video games

My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. what a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

Water

Anonymous

RIP boiling water. You will be mist.

Magic

Anonymous

a mexican was doing a magic trick he said “uno, dos,” then disappeared without a trace

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