I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
Puns
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry
So I threw a coconut at her
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”
“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
If i’m the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a… guardian of the galaxy?
I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. so I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle.
I’ve just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday
Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.
I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.
There was a kidnapping at school…
Don´t worry, he woke up.
You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. – I’m not really a mourning person.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!