I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
little johnny was siting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life and ask him " little johnny how do you want your wife to be like" and he answered " like the moon" and the teacher said " that's such a beautiful answer because it calm and peaceful " and little johnny said " no because it appears at night and disappears in the morning"
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man." I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry
So I threw a coconut at her
Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible" "Well, tell him I can't see him right now."