Dank puns

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

Monarchia

I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

7
Anonymous

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Me

My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry

So I threw a coconut at her

Anonymous
in Confucius

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

Anonymous

I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.

Leeluvsdoodless

If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?

Anonymous

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

Kat

If i’m the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a… guardian of the galaxy?

SweatyMemez

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

Anonymous

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. so I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle.

Anonymous

I’ve just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.

2
puppy

I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday

Colebot

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

Anonymous

I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.

NotAPun

There was a kidnapping at school…

Don´t worry, he woke up.

1
Anonymous

You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll

Anonymous

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. – I’m not really a mourning person.

4
Anonymous

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”

I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”

9
A random skeleton

Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!