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I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry

So I threw a coconut at her

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

Why doesn’t the Sun go to college? – Because it has a million degrees.

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday

I used to be a banker but I lost interest…

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.

Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired)

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. so I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle.

I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.

I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.

If i’m the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a… guardian of the galaxy?

I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”

I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”

a mexican was doing a magic trick he said “uno, dos,” then disappeared without a trace

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.