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Joe Biden is the first president in history to have a vice president on record claiming they believed sexual harassment allegations against him. I don't know about you, but I think that's a pretty big elephant in the room!

"Everyone knows I love kids better than people."

- Joe Biden. (A.K.A Pedo Peter.)

If I'm racist for voting Trump, then you're a pedophile for voting Biden.

Biden: My girlfriend called me a pedophile. I said, "That's a pretty big word for a 9 year old".

I wish I could follow you, though. But you need an account so I could follow you. But you don't have one. :'(

A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."

The best way to tell someone that you don't like them is by texting them 370HSSV 0773H and tell them to read it upside down.

BF: Babe, I have two questions.

GF: Ok, ask!

BF: Where have you been all my life?

GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?

BF: Can you please go back there?

GF: What do you think of our love?

BF: Count the stars in the sky.

GF: Aww... It's infinity!

BF: Nope. It's just a waste of time.

What do girls and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

First date be like:

Me: I work with animals every day.

Her: Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?

Me: I'm a butcher.