Cancer jokes
I respect cancer more than I respect depression.
At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.
Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.
So I went to the doctor's and the doctor said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign."
So I said, "Aquarius."
And the doctor said, "Nah mate, you've got cancer."
What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?
An expiration date.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
A woman comes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think I have cancer." The doctor checks it out. "It’s all in your head," the doctor says. "Phew," said the woman. "A bunch of tumors, all in your head."
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?
- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
What’s ten feet long and bald?
The conga line in the cancer ward.
Lol making jokes about cancer makes me feel better as a person that had cancer, it’s great!
I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. I'm already on stage 4.
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...
Kid with Cancer: "When I get older, I want to be a movie star or a singer."
Nurse: *Laughs*
Kid: "Why are you laughing?"
Nurse: "When I get OLDER."
Proceeds to laugh.
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
What's the most expensive haircut in the world?
Chemotherapy.
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...