Cancer Jokes

Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.

I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. I'm already on stage 4.

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

What’s ten feet long and bald?

The conga line in the cancer ward.

What's the most expensive haircut in the world?

Chemotherapy.

What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?

•Terminal

Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?

A: My dad didn't beat cancer...

I respect cancer more than I respect depression.

At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.

So I went to the doctor's and the doctor said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign."

So I said, "Aquarius."

And the doctor said, "Nah mate, you've got cancer."

A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."

What's the difference between my dad and cancer? Cancer doesn't leave you.

What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?

An expiration date.

What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.

- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?

- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!

My aunt's star sign was Cancer, pretty ironic how she died.

She was eaten by a giant crab.

Lol making jokes about cancer makes me feel better as a person that had cancer, it’s great!

A woman comes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think I have cancer." The doctor checks it out. "It’s all in your head," the doctor says. "Phew," said the woman. "A bunch of tumors, all in your head."

Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.

Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"

Jimmy: "That's great!"

Doctor: "A horse with cancer."

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.

After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”

She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”

To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”