What’s a similarity between your best friend and a tree? They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.

What is the similarity between a joke and food?

Some people just don’t get them!

How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?

They never get old.

What’s a similarity Cliff Hanger and Nooses?

They both leave you Hanging

What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?

They both are thinking “Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!”

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb

You can’t unscrew a pregnant woman

What’s a similarity between a broken lightbulb, and a pregnant woman

They’re both accidents

What’s the similarity between a bag of chips and a gun?

When you pull one out in class, everybody wants to be your friend.

What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.

What’s the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?

They both hang…

What’s the similarity between Catholic Priests and Mcdonalds ? They both like sticking there meat in 6 year old buns.

What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come

A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun?

B : They’re both hot?

A : They’re both massive.

What’s similar between a fetus and a failed mission?

You abort it

whats the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights

they are both going to be hanging from a tree

How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar? Because they both have eyes.

Dark humor and woman are very similar…

Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.

What is similar about the feelings of a girl’s birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?

They both worry about how she will turn out!

What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands? They can both do dirty things

What’s similar b/w a pregnant 14 y/o girl and the foetus inside of her?

They both are thinking “My mom’s gonna kill me”

What’s a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?

They are all locked in the Priest’s basement.