Ups jokes

If you are a bully at a school, when you get home, find an orphan and beat them up!

What are they going to do? Tell the orphan lady to tell you to stop? 😆😝

I was doing a magic show. I tried to make a bunny disappear, but it didn’t work.

I walked outside in shame. I looked up and realised the towers had disappeared!!!!

Suicide isn't funny, but you can spice it up by wearing a fun hat.

My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.

What happens to emo kids when they go up?

They never come down.

When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.

What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?

"What does this button do...?"

My girlfriend sent “a let’s break up text” right when I was done editing our pics.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water.

WHERE DO THEY REALLY GO BECAUSE WATER CAN NOT BE AT THE TOP OF A HILL!?. I honestly think that only people with a physics degree can make nursery rhythms.

Why do orphans never wake up in the morning? Their dad can’t wake them up.

What do orphans and broken up couples have in common?

They can't see each other anymore.

There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."

Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.

So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.

I find that a lot of butts CRACK me up.

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

Dear Gwen and Prince,

Gwen and Prince, sorry for being mean and cussing and other messed up nonsense. To be honest, I really just wanted to be your friends, all both of you! BTW Prince, Gwen is not dating Aiden...I don't even know who Aiden is! Sorry a million times, Zreina.

Keep smearing that make-up around your face, maybe you'll get somewhere with it.

Why didn't Trump help someone who can't walk?

He thinks she should stand up for herself.