Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?
Shut up and cut the coke.
My sister told me she liked Medusa.
I said, "Huh?"
My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
I was doing a magic show. I tried to make a bunny disappear, but it didn’t work.
I walked outside in shame. I looked up and realised the towers had disappeared!!!!
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.
9/11 jokes are that deadly not even the towers could hold themselves up.
My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...
Your momma is so stupid, she farted and turned the radio on to cover up the smell.
"What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!"
If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.
I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.
Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."
Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
Voting is like doing a group project in school.
I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up.
Why do disabled people not like comedians?
Because they do stand up.
I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.
Arab rizz. Are you a tower? Because I wanna blow you up and don't let your friend know about this. Rashid, I told you not to blow it up, I had it.
The greatest Arab pilot, my grandfather.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Only the apple got picked up.
Why don't orphans go home at pickup?
Because they don't have parents to pick them up.
I find that a lot of butts CRACK me up.
I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?
