Ups jokes

There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."

Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water.

WHERE DO THEY REALLY GO BECAUSE WATER CAN NOT BE AT THE TOP OF A HILL!?. I honestly think that only people with a physics degree can make nursery rhythms.

What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?

"What does this button do...?"

I was doing a magic show. I tried to make a bunny disappear, but it didn’t work.

I walked outside in shame. I looked up and realised the towers had disappeared!!!!

Suicide isn't funny, but you can spice it up by wearing a fun hat.

Why do orphans never wake up in the morning? Their dad can’t wake them up.

Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.

What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.

I can't stand up when I laugh hard; neither can they.

If you are a bully at a school, when you get home, find an orphan and beat them up!

What are they going to do? Tell the orphan lady to tell you to stop? 😆😝

Why didn't Trump help someone who can't walk?

He thinks she should stand up for herself.

This is our motto- "Never fear orphans! You are even more special than diamonds."

Orphan club for ppl who stand up for orphans!

I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.

"Never going to give you up." That's not what the orphan's parents said.

OK, OK, what's up with the fake Gwens? I am going to use a test to see who is real or not.

The real Gwen will know this. When did I come onto this website? Next question, what is my real name, and do I go on cursing rampages? Only the real Gwen can complete this test with the right answers.

Gwen, you need to shut up, for once!

I'm in a wheelchair, right, so I've tried everything but one stand up.

It didn't work.

I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

I walk up to a kid. I ask where his parents are, and he started crying. Then I walked out of the orphanage.