Battery jokes

Stephen Hawking isn't dead, he's just can't walk to the shop and get new batteries. 🙄

Stephen Hawking must have got a MacBook Pro. End of battery.

Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.

When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!

What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!

"Batteries, batteries, who the batteries in your remotes and everything else you got in your house is turned upside down?"

You want some dead batteries? They're free of charge.

If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me....

He's not dead, his batteries have run out.

What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.

It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.

Why didn't they just switch him on and off again, or switch his batteries?

My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

What were Stephen's last words? “Battery low.”

Robin: "The car's not working."

Batman: "Did you check the battery?"

Robin: "What's a tery?"

Yo mama is so stupid, she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “I’ve got the power!”

Guess Stephen's batteries died.

Everyone is talking about Head and Shoulders, and that if he never had a shower, his batteries would have got wet.

How did Stephen Hawking die? Because he didn't charge his batteries.

For one of the most highly regarded minds on the planet, it is a shame he could not create a longer-lasting battery.