Battery Jokes

in Puns

You want some dead batteries? They’re free of charge.


What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side


It’s said Duracell batteries are to last 75 yrs, well Stephen here you are

in Roast

my phone battery last longer then your relasionships


Stephen hawking isn’t dead he’s just can’t walk to the shop and get new batteries 🙄


he’s not dead, his batteries have ran out

The pun master
in Puns

Robin: The cars not working Batman: Did you check the battery Robin: Whats a tery


Stephen hawking must have got a MacBook Pro. End of battery

Sad and lonely

If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn…

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.

If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I’m like an eggshell… broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I’m like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I’m like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I’m like a shity book cover… because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety

Help me…

in Charge

When the police caught him stealing the batteries he got immediately charged !

in Puns

Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.

in Roast
  1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

  2. Oh you’re talking to me, I thought you only talked behind my back.

  3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.


So Duracell batteries do run out .


How did Stephen hawking die He ran out of battery life




Guess Stephens batteries died

Skye Shepherd

What where Stephens last words “battery low”

John Michael
in Yo mama

Yo mama is so stupid she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “ i’ve got the power “

Sam pinnock

Batteries batteries who the batteries in your remotes and everything else you got in your house is turned upside down


For one of the most highly regarded minds on the planet it is a shame he could not create a longer lasting battery.