Church jokes
What's the difference between a casino and a church?
You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.
A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
Why is Christianity the most dramatic religion?
Because other religions say, "Do, do, do."
But Christianity says, "Done, done, done!"
What's something you can say in church and while having sex?
I come in the name of the Lord.
If prostitution had a tax-exempt status, and if an adult bookstore had a tax-exempt status because of a glory hole, churches would have to do something else to keep their tax-exempt status to avoid the risk of going out of business.
Barney
Did you hear about the streaker in church? He was caught by the organ.
Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
HELP! HELP!
TELL THE PRIEST TO STOP TICKLING ME!
Twin monks who ring the church bells died.
Now they are dead ringers. :)
The bird was trying to cross the road because there was a church, but instead, the birds chirp chirp chirp, "Let's go to church!"
Guys, this is so disrespectful, I love Jesus. I go to church every Tuesday morning to give Jesus a... giffffffft.
So disrespectful guys. #jesusismyhubby
Yo momma so ugly, the Devil started going to church!
Two TV antennas got married. The church ceremony was terrible, but the reception was fantastic!
Why don't skeletons play music at the church?
Because they don't have any organs.
One Easter Sunday, a man goes to church and returns home with two black eyes.
His wife inquires as to how he got the black eyes.
The man goes on to say, “a lady stood up in front of me during mass, I saw her dress was stuck in her butt crack, so I reached out and tugged it out. She whirled around, became furious, and punched me in the eye.”
“That explains one black eye,” the wife says, “but what about the other?” The man explains, “I figured she must have liked her dress stuck up in her butt crack, so when she turned around I stuffed it back up there.”
Why did the bodybuilder go to the crustacean church?
Because it was a good source of mussel mass!
Why can’t an orphan go to a youth church? Because they need a parent to pick them up.
So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.
What kind of book does cheese read at a church?
The Hole-y Bible.