Church

Church Jokes

Prostitution

If prostitution had a tax-exempt status, and if an adult bookstore had a tax-exempt status because of a glory hole, churches would have to do something else to keep their tax-exempt status to avoid the risk of going out of business.

Teacher

A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

Sex

How do the men with bisexual tendencies that are members in the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses have sex with other men without being disfellowshiped in the Jehovah's Witnesses Church?

Anonymous sex at a glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar.

Casino

What's the difference between a casino and a church?

You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.

Sex

What's something you can say in church and while having sex?

I come in the name of the Lord.

Religion

Why is Christianity the most dramatic religion?

Because other religions say, "Do, do, do."

But Christianity says, "Done, done, done!"

Priest

What happened to the eight-year-old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church?

The priest stopped him on the way there.

Priest

Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to call them daddy.

Priest

A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"

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  • Exorcism

    What’s the opposite of an exorcism?

    It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.

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  • Money

    What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.

    Money

    What is the difference between giving money to a church and giving money to the IRS?

    If you stop giving money to a church, you won't go to prison.

    Priest

    What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.

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  • Money

    What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? You don't get something in return if you give money to a church.

    Masturbation

    Boy goes to Confession.

    Boy: "What are you doing, father?"

    Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."

    Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"

    Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."

    Bike

    When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

    Priest

    What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing, his mouth was full.

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  • Pedophile

    I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."

    I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"

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  • Nun

    How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.