Why are priests called father? because its too suspicious to call them daddy.
Why do orphans go to church? Because they can finally call someone "father."
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says "what about the children" the rabbi says "fuck the children" and the Priest says "do you think we'll have time
What’s the opposite of an exorcism? It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? a prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to received
What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? they both start at 12.
What is the difference between giving money to a church and giving money to the IRS? If you stop giving money to a church you won't go to prison
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? you don't get something in return if you give money to a church
Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT GET OUT!" Priest: "Ok, what about the children?" Father:"FUCK THE CHILDREN" Preist:" Do you think we'll have time?"
What is a priests favorite song --Magic flute in A minor
When I was little I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike, I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead i just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Whats similar between a priest and McDonalds?
They both shove their meat inbetween 10 year old buns
Why do orphans go to church? So they have someone to call father
What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing his mouth was full.
There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead.
Matt, "Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife"
Priest, "how so?"
Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything just rubbed each other, that's all"
Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box"
Matt, "okay i promise not to see her again"
Then Matt walks out the door
Priest, "Hey I saw you! you didn't put any money in the donation box!!"
Matt, "Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in"
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
Why can't skeletons play church music? Because they have no organs.
What is a reversed exorcism ? It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body </3
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys
What do you call a Mexican Baptism?
Bean Dip