Ups jokes
Michael Jackson was on a boat with a bunch of children. The boat captain comes up to him and says, "Michael, we've come into some trouble and the boat is about to sink. We need to get off the boat right now." "But what about the children?" The captain said, "F*** them." Michael Jackson responded, "Is there enough time?"
Your mama can't walk up the stairs because she eats too much chips.
What do Israel and Epstein have in common?
"Look at that, time to blow up some kids."
Nah, did your barber catch a seizure while lining you up?
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
“If you're a dwarf and you're offended by that, grow up.”
What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'
'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'
Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?
When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”
I was in a library and a black guy came up to me.
"Where's the coloured printer?" he said.
"Mate, it's 2025, you can use any printer you want," I replied.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
Roses are red Lemons are sour Lift your skirt up and give me an hour
Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.
What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person?
I'd ask what's up, but it's definitely not you!
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
My dog is called Syndrome. He jumps up at me and I shout, "Down, Syndrome! Down, Syndrome!"
An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.
Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!
Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.
Doctor: I didn’t.