When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."
I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak, and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I'm going home now."
There is an upside to being an orphan. Every bag of chips is family size.
The teacher of the ELA class said that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next to the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he said, "Me, I'm going home." Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said, "At the end of this ruler is an idiot," he got suspended for asking which end.
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."
The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"
Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."
A llama kicked me out of my house. Alpaca my bags.
For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.
I like my people how I like my tea...
In a bag under water.
Why can't orphans eat a large bag of chips? Because they're family size.
ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.
Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
Chuck Norris once put a plastic bag on his head, and the bag suffocated to death.
⚠️I’m not racist it’s just a joke⚠️
What do you call four black ppl in a sleeping bag?
A Kit Kat
Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.
Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
What do you call four black people in a sleeping bag?
A Kit Kat.
The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"
The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"
The school shooter: "I don't know."
The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One is made of plastic and bad for kids; the other one holds shopping.
Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.
