British

Anonymous

What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

1

Difference

Jackson Gentry

What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a plastic bag

One’s made of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other carries groceries

3

Orphan

Anonymous

There is an upside to being an orphan… every bag of chips is family size

Similarity

Anonymous

What’s the similarity between a bag of chips and a gun?

When you pull one out in class, everybody wants to be your friend.

School

Anonymous

A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question, can go home." A boy throws his bag out the window.

The teacher asks, “Who just threw that?”

The boy says, “Me! I’m going home now.”

5

Little Johnny

mixed joke boom box

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “mommy mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy’s clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started…”. The mother cuts him off and says “just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting “I’m leaving you… Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle joe last summer.”

Blonde

Anonymous

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “Ive kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "Ive kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde.” The Blonde then taped the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?”

3

Orphan

Anonymous

Why can’t orphans eat a large bag of chips? Because their family size.

4

Boring

TheArsonist

When I’m bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it “I’ll get you some food once we get off”

Nonce

hee hee 100

whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?

ones made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with, the other one carries your shopping.

0

Baby

What’s the difference between a dead baby and an orange? I don’t keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.

Orphan

Anonymous

For orphans every bag of chips is family size

Nut

ok this isnt a joke but its funny.

Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when its stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it’s in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, its not what you think, its a lipton tea bag.

Get your mind out of the gutter.

Chuck Norris

Anonymous

Chuck Norris one put a plastic bag on his head, and the bag suffocated to death.

Steak

pro joker

I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.

Kid

Anonymous

Teacher: your bag is heavy what’s in there!

Weird Kid: Magazines

Sister

Anonymous

my mom said to take out the trash bags so i did and the next day my mom asked “where are your sisters?” i said “in line to get crushed”

Michael Jackson

Anonymous

what’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag? One is plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other is a carrier bag.

1

Sport

Anonymous

What’s the difference between England and a tea bag? – The tea bag stays longer in a cup.