One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, “Just because you killed the butterfly, you don’t get butter for a week.” They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, “Nice try.”
Dad: Yes honey
Daughter: Im Lesbian
Daughter 2: Dad
Daughter 2: Im lesbian too
Dad: GOD does anyone like boys around here
Son: I do…
jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter
What do you call you’re daughter’s boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?
Me and my friend went to the park, after a while we grabbed our little princess and said “it’s time to go sweetie” but before we could go someone said “stop them they have my daughter!”
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when i saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that as a punishment, she won’t eat butter for 1 month. Today i saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her “nice try”.
So my teacher’s daughter commited suicide. One day Ima go up to her and say “What’s wrong did Logan Paul leave your daughter hangin’”.
When I become a parent I’m gonna regergetate my food to feed my children.
It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.
When you’re fucking your boss’s daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
Daughter: I know this is weird but I feel like that someone is watching me when I am sleeping.
The Mother and her Daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the Daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The Mother realized this and took off looking for her, after awhile, she found her tugging on a black man, the Mother asked “What are you doing” and the Daughter replied “I wan’t the chocolate”
So a daughter asks her father “dad what is you opinion on abortions?” So her father says why don’t you ask your sister. The daughter responds “but I don’t have a sister… Oh”
Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I’ve ever made.
Then I realize “My daughter isn’t THAT bad…”
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She’s got my sister’s eyes.
Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".
So there’s this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says “I’ve got an idea!”, and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says "What should their names be?" The uncle replies “Well for your daughter, Denise” “That’s a nice name” comments the mother, “but what about my son?” The uncle simply replies “Denephew”.
I would name my daughter awesome so I can tell people that I’m fucking awesome.
What did the paintings name their daughter? Palette
So a daughter goes to her dad and says “daddy can I borrow the car?” He the tells her “you know what to do”. So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust and says “ugh tastes like shit” her dad then said “damn I forgot your brother took the car”