One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, “Just because you killed the butterfly, you don’t get butter for a week.” They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, “Nice try.”

What do you call you’re daughter’s boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?

An ambulance

When you’re f...ing your boss’s daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.

Daughter: Dad

Dad: Yes honey

Daughter: Im Lesbian

Dad: Ok

Daughter 2: Dad

Dad: Yes?

Daughter 2: Im lesbian too

Dad: GOD does anyone like boys around here

Son: I do…

A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”

What did the paintings name their daughter? Palette

So a daughter goes to her dad and says “daddy can I borrow the car?” He the tells her “you know what to do”. So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust and says “ugh tastes like shit” her dad then said “damn I forgot your brother took the car”

jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter

So a daughter asks her father “dad what is you opinion on abortions?” So her father says why don’t you ask your sister. The daughter responds “but I don’t have a sister… Oh”

The Mother and her Daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the Daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The Mother realized this and took off looking for her, after awhile, she found her tugging on a black man, the Mother asked “What are you doing” and the Daughter replied “I wan’t the chocolate”

Me and my friend went to the park, after a while we grabbed our little princess and said “it’s time to go sweetie” but before we could go someone said “stop them they have my daughter!”

I would name my daughter awesome so I can tell people that I’m f...ing awesome.

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when i saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that as a punishment, she won’t eat butter for 1 month. Today i saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her “nice try”.

How did the Hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her sons dick tasted funny.

Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I’ve ever made.

Then I realize “My daughter isn’t THAT bad…”

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

So there’s this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says “I’ve got an idea!”, and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says "What should their names be?" The uncle replies “Well for your daughter, Denise” “That’s a nice name” comments the mother, “but what about my son?” The uncle simply replies “Denephew”.

My daughter said i could never make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!!!

Daughter: I know this is weird but I feel like that someone is watching me when I am sleeping.

Father: Sorry

My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She’s got my sister’s eyes.