Grandma: "Y’know, I used to be in this wheelchair cause of back pain. But ever since I met Spence, the pain went to my legs. At least my back is fixed!"
what’s dudeese
active as of now, but dont expect this to last very long. i often forget i have an account here
How do you stun a Scotsman?
Ask them to say "purple burglar alarm".
People always call me heartless. That’s not true. I have a heart... it just wasn’t meant for you.
Welcome to politics: You lie to fight and fight to lie.
I'm the type to blow up half of my house to kill a spider... and still miss.
Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."
I’m the type to join a cult unknowingly, but get too lazy to commit to it.
Did you know there's a place in Germany called Hanover?
Must be lots of drunks there.
A manager asked a black employee to work overtime. The employee initially agreed until he was told it would be without pay.
The employee responded with, "You know what happened last time my family worked for free?"
"What happened?" said the manager.
"A civil war."
What do you call a Muslim who drinks, smokes, and fools around with other women?
Turkish.
You know what they call pineapples in Paris?
I don't know, what?
Anus.
What does a stuttering Santa call Mrs. Claus?
A hoe hoe hoe.
When you were late to school and your teacher called you tardy, she meant that in more ways than one.
In England, for every church, there are two pubs.
In Poland, for every pub, there are two churches.