I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
People say that life is short I say… Life is the longest thing we ever do
My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.
I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.
Why can’t depressed people leave the maze?
Because their lives are the walls and they are to scared to meet the exit.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor
30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way the first lady she was obsessed with her looks so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish the next person didn’t know what to wish for so they wish for the same thing the guy in the very back was laughing having a grand old time then god got to the person before the last he aaid the same he wished to be beautiful when God got to the last person he said I want them all to be ugly again.
I hate 2 faced people because I don’t know which face to slap first.
What do suicidal people do in their spare time?
What’s the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don’t get angry when you toss a salad.
What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? – People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read “its a bumpy road but soon u will have a straight path.” People didnt realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
Why can’t blind people eat fish?
Because it’s sea food.
They say people are 75% water But I’m 100% useless