Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor

There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, “Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween.”

The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are

“Go big or go home”, that’s what some people say.

“Go loud and proud”, that’s what other people say.

“Go out with a big, loud bang!”, that’s what I say.

I’d tell you a joke about unemployed people but none of them work.

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read “its a bumpy road but soon u will have a straight path.” People didnt realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

There’s a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, “People need me for my medical skills.” grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, “People need me for my intelligence.” grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, “I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute.” The nerd says, “Don’t worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack.”

suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it’s clear why everyone calls me handsome.

What’s the difference between a baby and a salad?

Most people don’t get angry when you toss a salad.

I hate 2 faced people because I don’t know which face to slap first.

I like my humor like my people. Well done.

What is the similarity between a joke and food?

Some people just don’t get them!

I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday

30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way the first lady she was obsessed with her looks so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish the next person didn’t know what to wish for so they wish for the same thing the guy in the very back was laughing having a grand old time then god got to the person before the last he aaid the same he wished to be beautiful when God got to the last person he said I want them all to be ugly again.

Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it’s a whole sentence

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