I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.

I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday

I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.

I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way the first lady she was obsessed with her looks so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish the next person didn’t know what to wish for so they wish for the same thing the guy in the very back was laughing having a grand old time then god got to the person before the last he aaid the same he wished to be beautiful when God got to the last person he said I want them all to be ugly again.

My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.

Why can’t depressed people leave the maze?

Because their lives are the walls and they are to scared to meet the exit.

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor

I’d tell you a joke about unemployed people but none of them work.

People say that life is short I say… Life is the longest thing we ever do

The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are

What do suicidal people do in their spare time?

Hang out.

What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? – People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.

Why do people want emo grass? Beacause it’ll cut itself.

Why can’t blind people eat fish?

Because it’s sea food.

I hate 2 faced people because I don’t know which face to slap first.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry