By using this site, you agree to its use of cookies. Read more

Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor

What is the similarity between a joke and food?

Some people just don’t get them!

There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, “Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween.”

The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are

What did a comedian say at a show full of people with down syndrome? What’s up.

I’d tell you a joke about unemployed people but none of them work.

Cannibal (n.) Someone who is fed up with people.

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

Why do people want emo grass? Beacause it’ll cut itself.

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read “its a bumpy road but soon u will have a straight path.” People didnt realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

johnny was watching TV when you hear them say bitch and bastards so he ask hes dad “what is a bitch and bastard.” dad say “a bitch is a female and a bastard is a mail.” then johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say ass and shit so he ask hes dad what shit and ass means dad says “a shit is shaving creme like what i’m putting on my face and ass is a coat why don’t you bug your mom.” so johnny goes back to the TV and then they say f... so johnny ask his mom what f... means mom says "f... means carving like doing to the turkey then a few minutes later Johnny hears a knock on the door so he answers it he then says “welcome bitch and bastard may i tack your ass” the people then ask wear hes parents are johnny says "my dad is putting shit on hes face and my mom i f...ing the turkey.

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it’s clear why everyone calls me handsome.

suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry

What’s the difference between a baby and a salad?

Most people don’t get angry when you toss a salad.

I like my humor like my people. Well done.

There’s a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, “People need me for my medical skills.” grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, “People need me for my intelligence.” grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, “I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute.” The nerd says, “Don’t worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack.”

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it’s a whole sentence