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Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor

Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.

There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, “Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween.”

I’d tell you a joke about unemployed people but none of them work.

The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

People are making end of the world jokes, like there’s no tomorrow.

What is the similarity between a joke and food?

Some people just don’t get them!

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read “its a bumpy road but soon u will have a straight path.” People didnt realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry

I like my humor like my people. Well done.

What’s the difference between a baby and a salad?

Most people don’t get angry when you toss a salad.

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it’s clear why everyone calls me handsome.

I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way the first lady she was obsessed with her looks so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish the next person didn’t know what to wish for so they wish for the same thing the guy in the very back was laughing having a grand old time then god got to the person before the last he aaid the same he wished to be beautiful when God got to the last person he said I want them all to be ugly again.

Why do people want emo grass? Beacause it’ll cut itself.

There’s four people on a roof a Mexican, Asian, black guy, and a white guy. The Mexican walks over to the ledge and says “this is for my people” and jumps off, the Asian also walks over to the ledge and says “this is for my people” and jumps off, then the black guy walks over to the edge and says “this is for my people” and pushes the white guy off.

Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it’s a whole sentence

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

Cannibal (n.) Someone who is fed up with people.