Protection

Protection Jokes

Rubber

A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.

  • 8
  • Monkey

    Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,

    One fell off and bumped his head.

    The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...

    “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

    Condom

    How is a woman like a condom?

    Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

  • 2
  • Glory Hole

    What do you call a night guard at the glory hole inside a adult bookstore?

    Guardian of the confessional booth.

    Mask

    Why did the heterosexual man put a mask on his cock to protect himself from COVID? Silly boy.

    Memes

    Condom

    Why do they make glow-in-the-dark condoms?

    So gay people can play Star Wars.

    Night Stand

    Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.

    A fake name and a fake phone number.

  • 1
  • Condom

    Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.

    Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"

    Orphan

    Why is an orphan so scared of the dark?

    They don't have a dad to check the closet.

    Bill Cosby

    Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"

    Penis

    What does the penis say to the condom? "Cover me I'm going inside."

    Armor

    Why is leather armor better for sneaking than steel armor?

    Leather armor is made of hide.

    Toilet Paper

    I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper. Because a huge rock is headed towards Earth, and paper covers rock.

  • 0
  • DNA evidence

    Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?

    It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.

    Son

    My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.

    Mask

    Why did the heterosexual woman try to put a mask 😷 on her pussy? She wanted to protect herself from covid, but she did try to put a mask 😷 on her dildo, but the mask 😷 keep falling off the dildo.

    Camel

    The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"

    "Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."

    "And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"

    "Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."

    "And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"

    "Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."

    "But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"