
Protection jokes
Nina, you better run to hell. You're going there anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You don't be mean to Alex!!!!!!!!!!! He is sweet, kind, loving, and protective!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"
My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are, "You're not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "You're right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"
Stephen Hawking never used a condom. He used a firewall.
The poacher agrees but says that his assistant is ill and will need the man to come with him in his assistant's place. The man agrees, and so the poacher goes out to the jungle with the man.
The poacher brings a pair of handcuffs, a long stick, a shotgun, and a dog. They search through the jungle for about an hour and then spot a male gorilla above in the treetops.
The man asks the poacher what the plan is. The poacher replies, "I'm going to climb the tree and, when I get close enough, I'm going to start poking the gorilla with the stick until it falls out of the tree.
The dog is a specially trained dog. When the gorilla falls out of the tree, the dog will try to bite off the gorilla's balls. When the gorilla moves its hands to protect its balls, you put the handcuffs on it."
This all seems to make sense to the man, but he has one question. "What is the shotgun for?" he asks the poacher. The poacher responds: "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog."
I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.
I decided to go home.
What do you call cancers? Loyal, protective, and caring.
Keep yourself safe!
How did the man with a small penis become a rapist? His condom fell off.
How to protect your nuts from being hit: Just get hard.
Why did the Irishman use three condoms? To be sure, to be sure, to be sure!
For centuries, Japan’s feudal dictators, called Shoguns, enforced strict laws that kept people from leaving or entering the country. This practice isolated Japan from the rest of the world. By the middle of the 19th century, Japan’s isolationism was creating problems for the United States’ whaling industry whose ships needed coal, food, and water available in Japanese ports. And sailors who were shipwrecked on the coast of Japan needed protection from mistreatment.
In November 1852, President Millard Fillmore sent an expedition to Japan to solve these problems. Led by Commodore Matthew C. Perry, the expedition had both steam-powered and sail-powered warships and several hundred men. Perry’s task was to persuade the Japanese to sign a treaty with the United States that would open Japanese ports and protect shipwrecked sailors. On July 8, 1853, the Perry expedition sailed into Edo Bay about thirty miles from the city of Edo (modern Tokyo).
During talks with the Shogun’s representatives, the idea of a treaty was repeatedly rejected. But Perry didn’t give up. Finally, in February 1854, the Japanese agreed to negotiate a treaty. The Treaty of Kanagawa established peace between the two countries, opened two ports to U.S. shipping, and protected shipwrecked sailors. It was signed on March 31, 1854.
Perry’s expedition also opened Japan to the rest of the world. Within two years, Japan signed similar treaties with Russia, Holland, and Britain.
Do you know why you never mess with an orphan?
Because they’ve got guardians!
What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?
If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.
Your birth certificate is like an apology from the condom factory...
Why do I carry pepper spray?
Just in case of as-SAULT.
What kind of mask are you wearing?
An Elon Musk!
What did Pepper say to Spray?
"Hey Spray, I'm Pepper, and I think we should fight crime!"
Why does a golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he gets a hole in one!
If I had 10 dino nuggies and Jamal tried to take one, I would have ten dino nuggies and Jamal's head.
