Imagine going up to an emo and saying, "You're just like a spider, you're both good at hanging."
Ups Jokes
My sister’s birthday is on 9/11. When she opened her presents, she jumped up with an explosion.
What does a bungee jumper and a homosexual have in common?
When the rubber snaps, they both end up in the shit! đź’©
Kobe couldn’t clutch up with the rift to go.
Your mom is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.
What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?
He flew up!
Friend: Slavery isn't good.
Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.
Me: Shut up and get me a juice!
It’s so sad because Stephen Hawking can’t even stand up for himself after all these mean jokes.
Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?
Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.
Son: I hate you!
Mom: Son, get up for school.
Son: I AM UP *holds up books and says I'm up* IM UP MOM!
Roses are red, Violets are blue, We're breaking up because I never loved you.
If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.
Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.
A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"
Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"
Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock.
He finally got up there, but a bird stole his co-.
Q: Why do Americans fish with guns?
A: To shoot up the whole school.
Yo mama so fat, when she went up the elevator, the World Trade Center collapsed.
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
What was the winning play at the leper football game?
A hand off up the middle.
Friend: My bike doesn't have a kick stand, so it can't stand up.
Me: Nah, it's just two tired.
I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.
I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."
