Short Jokes

Anonymous

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair

Guess who came crawling back

Anonymous
in Puns

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

The Special

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver

Bloodcurdling scream

I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere

Anonymous

When I’m bored I text a random number “I hid the body... now what”

Anonymous
in Marriage

Wives are like grenades... -- Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!

HerpDerpGaming

Why are priests called father? because its too suspicious to call them daddy.

Anonymous

I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and i'm not gonna die the same way.

Punk

My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

(optional)

The Toaster;

other wise known as, the ultimate bath bomb.

PScantron

I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.

Anonymous
in Marriage

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

Me
in Puns

My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry

So I threw a coconut at her

Bloodcurdling scream

Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?

Everywhere

Anderson moon

Two kids were beating up a kid in an ally, so I stepped into help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

The demon

When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.

Anonymous

Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.

Anonymous
in Woman

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

Big Boss Tom

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

9
Anonymous
in Marriage

Two men were talking about their wives

The first man says "My wife is an angel." The second man says "You're lucky, mine's still alive."