Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver

Why are priests called father? because its too suspicious to call them daddy.

“What do we want?”

“HEARING AIDS!”

“When do we want them?”

“HEARING AIDS!”

Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!

An old teacher asked her student, “If I say, ‘I am beautiful,’ which tense is that?” The student replied, “It is obviously past.”

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. – I gave him a glass of water.

Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

My family is like a treasure…

You need a map and shovel to find them.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

“Dad, how do stars die?” – “Usually an overdose.”

What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person

You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

Cremation, The last chance for a smoking hot body.

What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs. What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and spade.

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

Dark humor is a lot like food.

Not everyone gets it.

I made a website for orphans, unfortunately it doesn’t have a homepage.

Why does peter pan always fly because he NeverLands

When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.

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