Short jokes

Short Jokes

Balance

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Wife

Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, the house is gone!

Donation

Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

Coconut

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.

Glue stick

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

Compliment

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"

Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

Body

When I'm bored, I text a random number, "I hid the body... now what?"

Rubber

I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.

Cop

I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

Dollar

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

Wife

Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Cow

My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...

Priest

Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to call them daddy.

Abuse

I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.