A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. – I gave him a glass of water.
An old teacher asked her student, “If I say, ‘I am beautiful,’ which tense is that?” The student replied, “It is obviously past.”
Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and spade.
What is a pirate’s favorite letter?
You’d think it’d be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
Two men were talking about their wives
The first man says “My wife is an angel.” The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. – But he’s still making fun of me.