Short Jokes


My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair

Guess who came crawling back

in Puns

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.


I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.

The Special

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver


I’m not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and i’m not gonna die the same way.

Bloodcurdling scream

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere


Why are priests called father? because its too suspicious to call them daddy.


When I’m bored I text a random number “I hid the body… now what”

in Marriage

Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!


My grandfather has the heart of a lion… And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

The demon

When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.


The Toaster;

other wise known as, the ultimate bath bomb.

Bloodcurdling scream

Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?


in Puns

My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry

So I threw a coconut at her

Anderson moon

Two kids were beating up a kid in an ally, so I stepped into help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

in Marriage

Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”


Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.


A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either really terrible news or really great news.

Big Boss Tom

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

in Woman

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.