I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.
My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry
So I threw a coconut at her
Broccoli is like anal sex.
If you’re forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.
Two kids were beating up a kid in an ally, so I stepped into help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
“Hey today was great” “What happened” “I ran into my ex today” “What’s so great about that?” “I was in my car”
Grandpa: you can’t have phones within 15 feet of the table Me: and you aren’t allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school