What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

I don’t know. He hasn’t opened it yet.

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. – What a waste of thyme.

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase.

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. – But he’s still making fun of me.

I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

Why can’t blind people eat fish?

Because it’s sea food.

Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? - Because she heard the drinks were on the house.

My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, “OK, you’re ugly too.”

Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins… I just go to the local primary school

Why do people make fun of crippled people? Because they can’t stand up for themselves

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.

Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

Why did the one handed man cross the road?

To get to the second hand store!

What is the difference between a Catholic priest and Acne? – Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

6:30 is the best time on a clock… hands down.

If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.

My friend told me he had a sister. i asked if she was hot and he said she was 8. that wasnt my question

How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.